Dancing in the Dark ✓

01 | sasha

I hated people.

And I hated myself.

In the shadows of the night, I dreamt. I was so tired of dreaming. I wished that I could just sleep peacefully for once – but my brain always seemed to sabotage me, even when I was supposed to rest.

I had dreamt that I was performing once again. The music from the live orchestra was wrapping around me like a ribbon, as I blinked into the warm, coloured spotlights and let the rhythm take over my body, joining the other dancers in choreography. The crowd was on their feet, cheering and clapping along to the finale. The music reached a crescendo, and the singers belted the ending note, and the magic was all over.

I awoke with a start, my heart hammering in my chest, and sweat rolling down my back. I took a deep breath in, then let a deep breath out, trying to regain control of my feelings. It was easier during the day — I just needed my subconscious mind to realise that my performing days were behind me. I needed to move forward. No matter how much it hurt me to do so.

I sighed and glanced at the clock – it was six in the morning. I tip-toed out of my room, closing the door softly, but frowned when my little brother's room door was left ajar.

A murmur of hushed voices grew clearer as I neared the kitchen. "Sasha jiĕjie is going to kill you."

I stood in the doorway, blinking through my grogginess. There stood my father with his messy morning hair, and Joshua who was already out of his pyjamas.

The smell of smoke hit me first and I clumsily waved a hand in front of my face. "What's that burning?"

"Dad burnt his toast," Joshua explained with a giggle.

"I'm just groggy," Dad defended. "Doctors work long shifts, okay?"

"Yes, sir doctor," Joshua sang, which caused the corners of Dad's lips to twitch with amusement.

"Sasha. You're up this early too?"

"I knew something like this would happen if I didn't," I said crossly. "Did you wake up earlier today to try and get ahead of me?"

His sheepish smile was answer enough. I grumbled and turned to my brother. "And what about you? You know that I always make breakfast."

He shrugged. "I heard Dad trying to creep past my door, but he knocked into something and said a bad word."

Dad straightened himself. "I managed to make hot chocolate for the both of you, though."

I frowned at the cups. The said-hot-chocolate seemed more milo water than hot chocolate, but I knew this was Dad's way of showing that he cared about us, so I bit back the observation.

He offered me a small smile. "You've got to take care of yourself too, Sasha. I've said this a few times, but I'll say it again. You really don't need to tutor — you can just focus on your studies."

His unspoken words hung heavily between us. And figure out what on earth you're going to do after graduation.

"Yeah, but tutoring does improve my Mandarin skills," I grinned. "And for university resumé. It's a win-win. Definitely could be much worse."

Like assisting with dance classes or working as a receptionist at a performing arts academy, which would remind me of the things I had lost. The future I had turned my back on — because it reminded me of her.

He paused for a beat, realising the nerve he had struck. "I know that we're in a rather awkward situation, but remember that nothing is your fault, alright?"

"I know," I sighed, waving a hand as dismissively as I could muster. "Come on, let's try that hot chocolate you made."

Dad cleared his throat. "I can pick Joshua up from school today."