Dancing in the Dark ✓

05 | sasha

Dear society, if I have headphones on, please don't talk to me, and kindly leave me alone. I'm overstimulated and need a moment for myself. Thanks and see you never. 

To be fair, Theo had just found me sitting by myself. But I wish I could have that written on my clothes or something, because there was someone trying to call after me in the parking lot. While I had headphones on.  

"Sasha! Sasha, can you hear me?"

I already knew I would be facing Siobhan O'Connor when I turned around, the captain of the school dance team. I forced a smile. "Hey, Siobhan, how are you?" 

"Good!" She chirped. "How was your summer?" 

"Busy. And yours?" 

"Oh you know, the usual, like prepping for this year's dance. On that note, I'm really sorry to see you leave the team. It's such a small batch of us now — barely any new faces, which is concerning. Ms.Rayana actually sent me to ask you if you would be able to join us sometime if we need fillers, though? Like at school events, sport games, really low-commitment stuff." 

I paused. This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. "I don't know, it's been a year since I last danced..."

"Don't worry, it's just for school performances, not our usual national competitions. It'll be fun, no stress," she insisted. Before I could overthink or turn down the offer, she added, "You know what, I'll let you know when we need you, how about that?" 

I sighed, not wanting to ponder over it at the moment and stress myself out. "Alright. I've got to head off now, though." 

She beamed. "Awesome. It was so nice seeing you again." 

***

Over the years, I had developed a habit of studying outside instead of at home. Some people hated school, but I looked forward it merely because it provided me somewhere to escape the constant conflict at home. 

The local diner was another one of my safe spaces — Leilani and I often came here to de-stress over milkshakes, but today, I was here to continue to work on some Calculus & Vectors. Deandre had coincidentally just clocked in for his shift, so I also got some familiar company as I sat alone at my usual booth. I put on a Study-with-Me YouTube video on in the background and prepared to crunch some numbers. 

After a grand total of fifteen minutes, I groaned and rubbed my temples. I scorned at the stereotypes about how Asians were good with math, but actually wished I fit that particular stereotype. I felt sorry for my dad — he had tried to explain mathematical and scientific concepts to me, but I just didn't understand them. I could memorise them, sure, which was the only reason I was getting by. For now. 

Then again, it was also because of him that I was stuck knee-deep in the Grade 12 science stream. It was a compromise for dancing competitively, the latter being according to my mom's wishes. This was one of the red flags in my parents' relationship — the constant disagreement over how to raise us, from parenting styles to career paths. My dad had wanted a stable field for me to go into; my mom wanted me to have the choice she didn't have, which was to pursue dance. Conversations they should've had before marrying and having children, but when you were young and in love and moving abroad was the main priority, your logic was probably out the window. 

The moment I finally settled and got in the zone again, the bells on the front door jingled. I looked up from my work, the sight of the elderly couple before me making me rush out of my seat to greet them.

"Charlotte! Josef!"

Charlotte Young, the sweet ninety-year-old English lady laughed her hearty laugh, and wrapped her arms around me with a tight grip. Her husband Josef Bauer, also in his nineties, with hair as crisp and white as snow, joined in the group hug with a smile.

"Sasha!" Charlotte chortled. "You're acting as if you haven't seen us in years."

"I'm just so used to seeing you two every week," I hurried to explain. "If you skip even one week, it makes it feel as if you haven't been here for a lifetime."

"We were at the hospital," Josef said quietly.

Charlotte glared at him. "Josef! I told you not to say anything! Don't worry, Sasha. It's just my heart."

"Just your heart?" I echoed incredulously.

She laughed it off. "I'm as fit as a fiddle. I lived through the war, remember? Nothing this old heart can't handle."

Josef cleared his throat. "She's been having trouble getting up."

That earned him a hard smack on the arm, and he winced. "Ouch."

"Hello, you were a Luftwaffe fighter pilot," Charlotte huffed.

He smiled grimly. "At least someone is proud of that."

"Who drove you two here today?" I asked. 

On cue, their grand-son Archie stepped through the door. His stern face crinkled with a greeting smile. "Hello, Sasha." 

"Please, you all can join me if you want," I gestured to my booth. 

Archie glanced at the stationery spread all over my table, looking rather like a mini war-zone. "I shouldn't let my grandparents disrupt your studying. Next time for sure, though." 

Once we got Charlotte and Josef seated, I turned back to Archie. "How's the wedding prep going?" 

I normally disliked small talk, but Archie was finally marrying his long-term partner. Although Archie was a good ten years older than me, I saw him as an older brother figure, being one of the familiar neighbourhood kids in the area. It was insane sometimes, how fast time flew. 

He smiled. "Oh, it's super hectic, but we're getting there. Gran and Opa been craving the gravy here and claiming that the ones I make cannot even measure up to it, so I brought them along for lunch today." 

"The gravy here is better," Charlotte insisted.

Deandre appeared just then. "Hi, what can I get started for you today?" 

"I'll let you all order," I chuckled. 

"We'll get a cheeky waffle together when Archie's not here," Josef declared with a straight face. "He's got to get in shape for the wedding."

Charlotte ignored Archie's incredulous expression. "Well, hello to you too, Deandre. How has school been? Do you spend a lot of time with Sasha?"

Deandre glanced at me. "Well..." 

"Just a moment," Charlotte spluttered. "What's this? You've been hibernating in your room again, Sasha?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "It's senior year. I don't really have time—"

Charlotte tutted, suddenly serious. "Remember our talk, Sasha?"

Of course I did. It was a stormy night a couple years ago, but I had run out into the rain, soaking wet by the time I reached the diner. The waiters taking over the night shift had regarded me warily, but allowed me to use the small room at the back of the cafe to pour out my heart and soul to Charlotte, who I knew was there reading at the time. She always knew when something was wrong — often caused by the explosive fights between my parents. That particular night, I was beating myself up for leaving Joshua behind with my furious parents, who were swearing at each other, punching furniture, and almost pulling their own hair out. Charlotte was the one who had calmed me down, consoled me, advised me. I went home and spoke to my parents the next morning, and they promised to not have another fight in front of us again. 

I laughed awkwardly, trying to clear the flashback. "Is that the time? I should head home now. See you, Deandre. Bye, Archie, Charlotte and Josef!"

Josef called after me, "Drive safely, but don't drive too slow! I bet even I drive faster than you do!"