IN YOUR MIND. fezco

xxvi. suffocating

xxvi. SUFFOCATING
in the silence

Lulu didn't talk to me at all. She never answered a single text and didn't return my calls. She showed up late to class to avoid facing me and would leave the hallways whenever I'd be around.
When Jules disappeared for a full weekend to go see her friends, it hurt like hell. Like... it was fucking awful.
But... Lulu disappearing from my life entirely? I think... I think it's worse.

rurue
i hope i'll see you tonight...
i miss you so much
i love you

Lulu ignored the texts and sighed loudly before opening her closet to pull out the outfit she would wear for the school dance. She had received a beautiful set from an Australian brand and was ready to pull it off at school, already knowing she would earn some looks from the school chaperones.

Made entirely out of mesh and colored diamonds, it was probably the most revealing outfit she would ever wear. She put on a bralette and then the outfit, both excited and nervous as she looked at herself in the mirror. Zahia whistled as she entered her sister's room.

"Well that's hot," Zahia said as she touched the fabric of the mini skirt.

"You think it's too much?"

Zahia frowned, "For you? No. You'll have to tell me what Maddy said, she's gon' die for that outfit."

Lulu chuckled, "She probably has something like this in her closet though."

The two girls stayed together until Lulu was ready and Zahia left the house a little before her, spending the night at Max's house. Lulu was happy to see her sister had a relationship like the one she had with Max. They seemed good for one another and Lulu didn't need to know everything to be reassured.

She put a coat over her shoulders and decided to check on Fezco and Ashtray. She knew Mouse would visit later on and she also knew Fezco had to deal with something to be able to pay him back. He didn't get into details but Lulu was well aware it was dangerous.

Ashtray was the one to open the front door, "Yo Lulu."

She walked inside quickly, sensing a growing tension, "Hey Ash... you good?"

He shrugged, "Ion know... if everything goes well tonight... yeah."

Lulu patted him on the shoulder, looking all around to see if Fezco was in the living room. Ashtray sighed, pointing the hallway, "He's in his room."

She nodded and made her way into the house she knew like the back of her hand, breathing a little faster after each step. She found Fezco on his bed, loading a gun with bullets.

When he turned around, Lulu inhaled deeply, pretending she wasn't scared at all. But, the truth was, she was panicking inside. Not necessarily because Fezco had a gun in his hands, but because she knew it meant he would put himself in a lot of danger to repair what had been done when the police came over his house a few weeks back.

The two made eye contact intensely, as if they were trying to soothe one another without having to be affectionate. Because Fezco needed to stay focused on what he had to do and because Lulu had to stay strong in front of him. They knew this relationship implied a lot of sacrifices. And they were ready for those.

Lulu walked all the way until she was standing in front of him, kissing him deeply, causing Fezco to wrap his arms around her waist —and under her coat, as he allowed himself to lock his whole being into that one moment, kissing her back with the same passion.

Surprised by the fabric of her clothing, Fezco looked down at Lulu's body once they pulled away and cursed under his breath, looking right back up at her eyes, "Fuck, you wearin' that when I gotta be focused."

Lulu chuckled, "I'm sorry..."

Fezco became serious instantly, "You're beautiful."

She planted a quick kiss on his lips before placing her forehead against his as Fezco rubbed his thumb against her cheek, "Y'might not like me anymore when I'm done with this shit..."

"I know what your job implies," Lulu said reassuringly, "As long as you want me, I'm not going anywhere."

It was the first time Fezco heard a girl tell him something that had this much meaning to him. For Fezco, it was like a breath of fresh air in the middle of a storm. For him, it felt like a love declaration. That is when he knew his feelings for her would keep on growing incessantly. Because it was obvious he would always want her.

They both pulled away reluctantly, Lulu walking towards the hallway, "You text me, okay?"

"Yeah..."

"I mean it," Lulu said, "I know what you might have to do and I'm here, okay?"

Fezco looked at her as if she was the love of his life. For a second, it felt like he could drop on one knee, as he knew deep down that it was going to be her forever. And Lulu felt the love in his eyes. It made her heart beat so quickly in her chest that she could have clearly been having an attack.

"Imma text you and you come over, okay?" Fezco said, now confident that she wouldn't run away from him.

Lulu smiled, "Yeah, let's do that."

When she walked out of Fezco's house, Cassie's car pulled over and she recognized the blonde driving alongside Lexi and Maddy. She jumped up at the sight of her friends and opened her coat to reveal her outfit as they all gasped, Maddy shrieking in excitement.

They shared a few drinks and gossiped until they arrived at school, Lulu flashing a bottle filled with alcohol she had hidden in her purse. She had drank half of it on the way, well aware that she would have to face Rue at some point. They had friends in common and Lulu didn't feel like staying on her own in order to avoid her. Or else she would have simply stayed home.

And Rue is the first person Lulu saw when she walked inside the gymnasium. She looked stunning and she had to blink a few times before looking away, crushed in Jules' arms who kept complimenting her about her outfit.

I stopped breathing when I saw Lulu. I wanted to run away, lock myself in the bathroom and cry and cry and cry. I missed her so much. And she was so close from me and so far away at the same time.

The two girls locked eyes and everything stopped. The room went quiet for both of them. The planet stopped rotating. Their hearts stopped beating. For a fraction of seconds, it was just the two girls remembering how hard it was to be apart.

I could tell in her eyes how sad she was to see me. I think I broke her.

Lulu sighed, staring a little longer in Rue's dark eyes, and she looked away, joining a conversation between Lexi and Maddy.

And... when I broke her... I broke myself.

Rue wanted to go talk to Lulu. That was one of the only thing in her mind at that moment. But she didn't do it. Instead, the two girls sat on the opposite side of the table and Lulu barely looked at Rue, ignoring the insistent gazes she knew were from the best friend she thought she had lost forever.

( ... )

a/n yeaaaaaah you can hate me guys I HATE what i created between lulu and rue but i do believe it was very important cause friendship isnt one sided, just like love...