Downtown Boy

c h a p t e r 29

🎶My uptown girl🎶

-Billy Joel

Sam's pov:

Coming back from college, I didn't understand what was happening when I saw the neighbors looking weirdly, I didn't understand why my house was sealed shut.

Everyone's always thought that I'm oblivious to my surroundings, I try to be oblivious to my surroundings because I don't want to add anything to my depression. I want to act as if I don't understand anything, but is that really possible when all the problems are clearly written everywhere, the book's open.

Sometimes, it's better to act as if you don't understand anything than to actually know stuff and worry about it, sometimes it's better to worry from the sidelines so you don't have to give your output because you're just as dependent and clueless as the next person.

So when one of the neighbors tell me what happened, I realize that I'm a major fuckup who gave no thought to anyone else and just cared about myself, I'm this messed up child who has no friends, no ability to talk to people and soon enough, I'll have no family.

The first person that comes to mind that would help me was Hunter, but he wasn't here. He wasn't here with me to help.

My bag slips off my shoulder and I run.

I run to where my feet and heart take me.

I run to where I'm allowed to be a coward.

Where I voice all my thoughts without stuttering.

The cemetery comes to view and I stop outside, just a second before entering I take a deep breath. My eyes on the ground, I walk to the two headstones, I could run there with my eyes closed knowing the amount of times I've came here.

Dropping onto my knees in front of them, I try to say something. For once in my life, I'm lost for what I want to say to my parents, I've come here whenever I found myself low, just to talk to them.

To let my chest feel lighter, to feel better like they've always made me feel.

"I don't know what to say." I start off, idly sitting there as my palms laid on my knees, "I've always had a personal issue of my own whenever I came here, I'm selfish, yeah, but right now, I really don't know what to do or say.

"I need...I need some fresh air before I lose it all, it was getting all better, it was, I swear it was, but when the neighbors, yes mom, the same one who always tried growing their plants better than yours," I snort, I can't believe I'm doing this right now when my sister is nowhere I know of, my brother's arrested and Sierra's back at her house, "when they told me what happened, I just knew, I knew that I would start hyperventilating and just fall. This is the only place I can...breathe and talk."

'Hi! I'm Nicole.'

Her beautiful smile pops into my head, hair all over her face and her chubby cheeks puffed out.

"Actually, there's this other person I talk to, she's...she's quite," I pause for a moment to think of something to describe her, "interesting?"

God, my siblings are gone and I'm here talking about some girl.

"I met her at college after class, her name's Nicole and she's as old as me, and apparently...sapiosexual, very open about herself."

'I'm extremely sapiosexual for you and wet as fuck right now, excuse me while I go calm down.'

It takes a moment for me to realize that I came to the wrong place this time, I didn't need to rant, I needed to get my siblings back.

I'm back at near my house when I see someone standing there, holding up a bag.