pandora's box [bakudeku/tododeku] [pt.1 of where's my love fic series]

hold on, we're going home

summary: izuku gets released from the hospital. inko feels some guilt and izuku feels like something is wrong. but it's quickly forgotten once he's surrounded by supportive friends and family. but of course, happiness never seems to stick around for too long for midoriya izuku.

notes: this chapter's song: "hold on, we're going home" by drake.

warnings: death, car accident, nightmare, panic/anxiety attacks.

izuku wakes up feeling lost and alone. even with his mother in the corner, talking with the doctor. even as the nurses ask him how he's feeling as they do their last checkup before discharging him from the hospital. even as his aunt mitsuki and uncle masaru walk in right as visitor hours open up, with a grumpy katsuki trailing in behind them.

he has two quirks. if he takes tenshi's words, it's three. he doesn't know how to feel about that. he feels like he should be crying with happiness, to finally have a quirk. a quirk that he's been wishing for since he was a young kid. in fact, he should be rejoiced with being blessed with not one, but two quirks! all those years of bullying and being an outcast in his classes would finally end. his classmates would finally treat him like a human being and not a useless deku. i should be happy that my quirk finally showed up, it's what i've wanted all my life, right? i...i finally have a chance at being a hero.

no, this isn't what i want, izuku realizes as he watches his aunt embrace his mom in a tight hug. it wasn't supposed to happen like this. he shouldn't have died in order to get his quirk. his father shouldn't have killed him. he shouldn't have gone through hell and back just to be viewed the same as everyone else.

no one knows. no one knows that izuku felt the flames of hell itself and died, only to be told that he will never peacefully rest. that yes, he has an immortality quirk, but he also has a fire quirk that will only remind him of his father. two quirks he has no intent in showing to the world because each time he even thinks about using them all he can think about is his dad. why? why? why is it that each time he closes his eyes, all he can see are the lifeless eyes of the hero quickmind and his dad wiping her blood off his hands? that each time he closes his eyes he sees his father's light blue eyes reflecting the red flames of his quirk as he lights izuku on fire?

why is it that now that he has a quirk, he can't even use them? for starters, izuku doesn't think he'll be able to use 'underburn', not while the memories of his father using his quirk to burn him during training are still fresh in his mind. what about 'revival'? definitely not. not when he knows it will bring up more questions than he can answer. and i don't want to risk people finding out. i haven't heard of anyone having an immortality quirk. izuku suppresses a shudder from imagining scientists or villains using him to find out more about this quirk.

he stares out the window, watching as the clouds get darker. he can't help but think that just like those clouds, his insides are all jumbled. a mess. something is bothering him. something is hurting him. something is aching inside him. something feels so wrong but izuku can't figure out what. he can't figure out what as he changes inside the small bathroom in the hospital room, glancing at his reflection in the mirror. the gauze pad katsuki had put on his injured cheek is still on, but izuku knows that behind the pad there's nothing, thanks to tenshi's healing. his wrist is fine as well, but he still pretended to flinch when the nurses tried moving his wrist slowly. they didn't hesitate to put the splint back onto this wrist. there was just no way i could've explained my healed injuries without raising questions.

as he puts back on his clothing from yesterday, he ignores looking at the jagged burn scar across his chest. he fights down tears as he tugs his hoodie on, failing to pinpoint the cause of the pain he's feeling. he tries to reason why he feels a burning pain but can't find any reason. i'm fine. i'm okay, i'm okay. i'm no longer in danger.