Lost In Temptation

11. Responsibility

Elizabeth

"Sissy, what is going on? Why are we just leaving them there, and who is River?!" My infuriating big brother demanded as I got us going, not doing anything until I knew that we were away from everyone, that no one else would see what was coming. It hurt, it hurt so bad the moment she was no longer there, the moment I didn't need to protect everyone from the storm that was building within my head. "Elizabeth, look at me and tell me what is going on!"

The moment that we were adrift, I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't even have the words to tell him to get out of the console room. Everything just broke and my muscles ached as the force I'd contained within myself, most likely damaging one of my internal squishy parts, went out in a wave. It threw my brother aside, Divinity only just holding on with her claws as I couldn't even make a sound. 

My poor console room took the brunt of it, though, as glass began fracture and splinter, not shattering just yet but it was close to it. My nose was streaming blood, as was my eye, pressure trying to relieve itself but it just hurt. Everything hurt, it always hurt and it would never stop hurting. Why did it have to hurt? I tried, I tried so, so hard to control things, to stop them from being dangerous and harmful to others, but I also stayed out of it when it was not my life, or at least tried to. I never wanted this. All I wanted was to stay in the shadows with my books and my Archive.

Idris tried to comfort me, humming and softly juddering under my fingertips on the console, but nothing would make this right again. They took a baby. A sweet, innocent little baby and I didn't know what to do. What was there I could do to save her, when the Silence had done their research and knew how to use time against the last two Time Lords? This was my fault, this was all my fault, I should have sense it, should have noticed, should have done something!

"Elizabeth, this wasn't your fault."

And then there was him. The one who truly inspired the fear, I was just the one to back him up with facts, apparently. With answers. "According to River, it was yours."

"Yeah, but I don't trust River as far as I can throw her, you know that." I trusted her a damn site more than I trusted you most days. We knew her in the future, we both trusted her in the future, and I had trusted her since the day she died to save all those people in the Library. She died to save me. "Come on. We need to treat those cuts before you either get more blood all over everything or get an infection." As he went to touch my arm, I deflected away with another bubble of force, the physical thought I could generate, as could any other telekinetic.  It just sometimes became more than they could handle, like when your mind was close to overloading due to the emotions that liked to flood you at inopportune moments. "Elizabeth. Stop being stupid and talk to me, for Gods sake."

Seriously? You wanted me to talk to you? How many times had you said that over the years, since I first made you realise that you never actually listened? You still didn't, unless it was something you wanted to hear. If you'd listened to me once since we were children, you'd have known that all I wanted to do was watch and learn, and make it easier for others to learn the same. You were thinking that you wanted to help me, that you thought the telepathy and the memories of everyone in the universe was the reason I was who I was, but you refused to admit that I had always been this person. I had always been detached, and able to put myself apart from those dying in fixed points. "Bethy?"

You still hadn't worked it out, had you? She'd made it so very obvious, Big Brother, and even now you couldn't make that final little jump to exactly who she was. The woman who knew your name, when even you didn't know it. "River Song. A River is a body of water, and a Song is a type of Melody. How could it take you that long to have worked it out, especially when there was literally a hint from her with the writing on the cot?" I felt my eyes flicker to his pale green, but he slammed all the doors shut into his mind. I could get through them, his locks were never hard for me, but I left him for the moment, because there were more important things at hand than his thoughts. The cot that I left in here after my final miscarriage. "Why did you even have to pull that out of storage, Doctor? There is literally a 3D printer in every workshop before Deep Storage. You could have made her a brand new cot, one that wouldn't have so many memories."