Reasons To Live✔

22

"So what do you wanna do?" I ask Josh, he's lying on my bed; throwing a ball up and down.

"Lie here and let the darkness consume me," he mutters back.

"Josh, you'll find someone else, I promise," I respond and he sits up from my bed.

"Can we watch films then? Sad ones that'll remind me I'm hurting," Josh whines, his blue eyes dark and the bags under his eyes prominent.

"No, Josh. We're gonna watch Disney films and eat popcorn and chicken, okay?" I say, putting on a cheerful voice as I kneel in front of him.

"Fine," he huffs and stands up from the bed. "Can you believe I've basically lived with you for almost a week," he mutters, turning around in the doorway. 

I laugh slightly. "Why are you still here?" I smirk. He smiles at me, that smile I've missed so much.

"You love me here," he responds, his voice a slightly higher pitch. "I know you do, don't lie," he chuckles and walks away from the doorframe and down the corridor. Without a second thought I follow him down the wooden stairs and to the front room.

"I've appreciated you here but damn, you talk a lot," I respond, he laughs softly and rolls his eyes.

"If I hadn't just had my heart broken I'd argue back," he whispers, frowning too. He glances down at the floor, his feet shuffling awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I made it weird," he suddenly says.

I shake my head.

"No, no it's okay, choose a film and I'll make some popcorn and chicken," I smile.

"Weird combination, don't you think?" He asks as he turns the TV on, the white colours light up the dimly lit room.

I don't respond and instead pour the sweet popcorn into the bowl, taking a few and eating them quickly.

"Maybe it's for the best, you know?" He hesitantly says, I turn around and see Josh leaning against the door frame.
"I knew it was doomed when I started acting like a shitty boyfriend," he forces a pained laugh. "We both made mistakes.." he mumbles. I force a little smile and he smiles back.

A few hours later outside the window is dark, Josh stands up and closes the curtains for us. He hums a song to himself, one from the film we just watched: Moana.

"What can I say except your welcome..." I heard him softly say. I turn to face him, my arm resting on the back of the sofa.

"For the tides, the sun, the sky," he continues as he sits himself back down next to me, throwing some of the final pieces of popcorn in his mouth.

"Hey it's okay, it's okay," he sings. I can't help but smile as he bops his head to the imaginary music. "So what film next?" He asks, a smile plastered on his soft face.

"Soul," I respond and click on the film. He smiles down at me, I blush.

"You're blushing," he whispers suddenly as I turn away.

"W-what no!" I exclaim, stuttering; my cheeks turning a deeper shade of red.

"You're blushing, Elyse," he repeats. I feel his eyes burn into me and I give up and look back into his blue eyes. He shoots me a small smile. "Why are you blushing?" He whispers.

"I-I don't know, I'm just warm!" I stammer.

"Are you?" He asks, one eyebrow raised.  "Let me-"

"What!" I almost shout. He chuckles and slowly places his warm hand on my cheek.

"I'm seeing how warm your cheeks are," he whispers, scooting closer to me. I don't respond, I just stare at him, dumbfounded. He's biting his bottom lip and trying not to smile.

"God, you're cheeks are so warm," he chuckles softly, his thumb moving in slow circles over my cheek as his hand slides down to the side of my neck.

I force a tiny smile. The world stops as he stares down at me, his hand on my cheek. He moves his head closer to mine, I feel his breath against me.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath.

"Hm?" I hum back.

"N-nothing," he stutters before in one quick movement pulling his hand back and leaning away from me.

The world starts again, suddenly we're not the only people on the Earth.

"So uh, yeah," he awkwardly says, clearing his throat. "I'm sorry," he whispers immediately after. Is he about to talk about what just happened? "I'm not used to not having a girlfriend, I don't know what to do," he continues.

"It's okay," I respond whilst I awkwardly shuffle in the seat. "I understand."

"What, really?" He gasps, his blue eyes lighting up with childlike excitement.

"What?"

"You understand?" He innocently asks.

"Yeah, it's a massive change. Especially since you were with Soph for ages," I smile.

"Sophie would never understand something like that, thankyou Elyse," he whispers. "Did you know everytime I tried to leave her she'd shout at me and cry until I stayed..." he suddenly says, his words trailing off. 

My eyes widen as I glance over at him, he's twiddling his thumbs.

"Josh..." I whisper. His head instantly turns to look at me and his eyes are cloudy with tears.

"It sucked, El. I wanted to leave after she cheated but all I remember is here shouting and crying and threatening to tell everyone about my family life, so I stayed," he mumbles. "And you'll probably be like it was abusive so you should've left but it's hard too- it's really fucking hard to when people act like that. Guilt always consumed me and I did love her, I swear but she was allowed to do anything and I was so restricted," he speaks fast, his words almost blending together. He's barely audible as the tears stream down his face.

I don’t say anything, I just wrap my arms around him and his body falls against me.

"I'm sorry El, I'm so sorry-" he cries.

"-Josh, no." I interuppt. "You are never weak for crying or feeling like it's hard. You are strong for carrying on and helping me," I mumble. "Boys aren't weak for showing emotions, remember that. There's nothing wrong with boys crying at all."

"I'm sorry," he whispers as he grips onto my shirt.  I frown and tighten my arms around him.

I don’t talk anymore, neither does he. He just lies against me, the film bright in our eyes and his occasional sniffles grabbing my worried attention. But he assures me he's okay.

That is until it reached almost midnight, his soft face turns up to me and he smiles, a weak one.

"Number twenty two: movie nights."

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Dedication: Xx-Nifty-xX thankyou for following my TikTok. You're an absolute gem (and drop dead gorgeous) thankyou so much, you are amazing. Your support means the world to me.