Reasons To Live✔

27

"Josh," I hum. He turns his head towards me, his hand still sliding up and down my leg slowly. "Do you think we'll ever date?" I slowly murmer. His eyes widen at me for a second.

"That came out of nowhere, El," slowly his hand retracts but his eyes stay on me. "I've just got out of a relationship-"

"So no?" I ask, my eyes moving up to him too.

"I didn't say no, where's this coming from? Are you not happy with how we are?" He questions, fast-paced.

"I'm sorry, just thinking. We both go to college soon and I don't want us to end. You've changed my life and helped me so much," I mumble, my hand sliding to his and intertwining our fingers. His fingers are cold, and unresponsive to mine before he suddenly yanks me towards him using our hands. One of his hands around me and against my back and the other holding my hand, he smiles up at me.

"Elyse, nothings going to change-"

"We're going to different sides of the country," I mumble. His face looks awkward for a second.

"But we can call and text, I'll drive and visit you, I promise El," he whispers. Slowly, I nod and his lips curve up into a tiny smile.

"I just thought a relationship would cement that. I know it's soon and we've only known each other for a month but we're close, right?" I whisper, my arms around his neck. He lets out a soft chuckle before hiding his face in my neck.

"Of course we are El, you know how much I like you. I haven't felt like this for anyone since I first met Sophie but I'm here with you. Everyday. I know you like me too but it's too soon, give it time. I know we'll get there," he whispers, his breath against my neck and his lips so close I can feel them moving against me.

I giggle, my arms tightening around his neck as I pull him deeper into an embrace. Suddenly, his low chuckles and murmers turn into a louder laugh as he swings my body down underneath his. I blush, his eyes on me intently.

"You're cute like this," he whispers.

"Like what?" I question back.

"Underneath me," he smirks, leaning down to kiss my neck again. I smile and run my hands through his soft hair.

"Shutup," I respond.

"Make me-" he starts.

"Don't tempt me," I mumble.

"You're the one asking silly questions," he laughs, his hand sliding down to the side of my neck. My hair stands up at his touch.

"Silly questions?"

"Silly questions, El, you already know the answers."

"Do I?"

"Eventually you'll be mine, El. Is that what you want to hear?" He whispers against my lips. I smile against his soft lips and finally he kisses me again.

"Perfect," I mumble after he pulls away.

An hour later, he's sat next to me again with my head on his shoulder and his hand in mine. We're talking about pointless things and he laughs every minute or so, that makes me smile.

"Hold my hand properly, dumbass," he laughs and pulls his hand away from under mine and sets it palm-up on my knee. I jokingly roll my eyes and slide my palm against his, his fingers instantly grasp onto mine.

"Thankyou, El," he says a short time after. I turn to him and smile, nodding slightly. The comfortable silence between us fills the room once again as the TV blasts the only noises. The TV flashes with both our eyes focused on it, his body close against mine with his thumb rubbing against mine.

My heart races in my chest, even though I'm with him every day he still makes me feel like I'm special.

Slowly, his head turns to mine after some time. I turn to look at him too with a huge smile on my face.

"I like it when you do that," I say.

"Hm?"

"When you rub your thumb against mine, it makes me know you're constantly with me," I confidently say. His eyes light up with joy and his small smile turns to a grin.

"Number twenty-seven: the thumb thing when holding hands."

--

Dedication: to everyone who's struggling with anything.

This is a different type of dedication, a more generalised one. I wanted to dedicate a chapter to people who are struggling as my protagonist is and I know how sucky it feels to feel like that. But as someone who's made it through a lot of shit I wanted to say:

You're special, you're worth it, you're beautiful, amazing, perfect and you deserve the world. Don't ever forget it because even if you cannot be someone who's remembered by millions do something that'll make you be remembered by one or two. Have an impact on someone's life, stay strong to have an impact on someone's life.

You still have so far to go, imagine everything you can do to make so many people happy.

I am so proud of you.