Reasons To Live✔

11

I spin around on my chair, using the desk to push myself around. Josh is sat on my bed with his back against the wall. It's Saturday and we're supposed to be studying but we have been for 3 hours now. I turn back towards the desk, looking down at the highlighted mind maps and various small graphs.

"Josh, I'm hungry," I say, breaking this long silence.

"Cool," he replies. I spin my chair around and look at him. His eyes are glued to his phone. He's biting his nails nervously until he suddenly looks up at me.

"Oh- sorry, wanna go get some food?" He asks, his eyes go back to his phone.

"Yeah, are you okay?" I say, pushing myself off the chair and to next to him on my bed.

"Look what Soph put on her private story on Snapchat," he mutters, handing me his phone. I press her name and for a second I'm confused. It's her with her arms flung around a guy I recognise. Her blonde hair is flowing and he's basically kissing her cheek.

"Is that her brother?" I question, handing him his phone.

"It's Lewis, my bestfriend." He says, his voice laced with annoyance. "I messaged her asking why she was with him and she just said they were hanging out but they're so close to each other."

"Boys and girls can have platonic relationships, try not to think about it too much and see how it plays out but maybe talk to her in person if it gets too much," I smile before climbing off my bed again.

"Yeah, I guess but she's cheated before..." He whispers, his voice trailing off.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I know how bad that sucks, trust me," I force a laugh whilst I turn away, searching for my purse.

"You've been cheated on? Who by?"

"My ex, Owen. It really makes you feel inferior, right?" I mutter.

"Right," he mutters back.

"Food?" I change the topic. He nods and stands up. I smile, swinging the bag over my shoulder and following him downstairs. My parents aren't home so we manage to leave without the hassle of explaining where we're going and what time we'll be back.

"Where you wanna go? Takeout or actual food?" He says, mocking that I love takeout food.

"Takeout food is good, you can avoid the awkwardness of ordering easier," I laugh as I roll my eyes. "But I'm feeling actual food tonight since you're so against some takeout."

"Yes! Finally!" He punches the air as we turn onto the main street. "I'll pick where we go," he turns to look at me, his blue eyes just greeted by me hiding my smile. "El, try look happy."

A nickname? I blush. "I am happy!" I plainly say.

"Then tell your face," he grumbles. I glance over at him, forcing a mocking and sarcastic smile. He rolls his eyes.

We walk towards a small restaurant, it doesn't look fancy and it doesn't look run down. Just average. He opens the door for me, like the true gentleman man he is and he even ushers me towards a table near the kitchen.

"The bigger the menu the fancier the restaurant," he mumbles as he hands me the normal sized menu.

"We should find somewhere with a massive menu then," I respond, flicking through the laminated pages.

"Oh, so the bigger the better?" He questions, his voice low.

"No, it depends on they actually are, if it's only average then they might make up with it from their actual style," I shrug.

"So if it was just average you wouldn't care?"

"No, it's food, I'll eat it anyway."

"What?" He finally looks up at me.

"What?" I look back at him, he shakes his head. "What are you having?" He continues.

"Lemonade and a meat feast pizza, what about you?"

"Fanta. Wanna get a big pizza and share it?"

"Sure," I nod and gestures for a man to come over. The man in jeans and a white shirt hobbles over and instinctively Josh orders for us both.

He turns back to me, glancing around briefly. "So you've really been in a relationship before?" He suddenly asks.

I nod, "Like two." He looks shocked. "Why?"

"You just don't strike me as the type to be in a relationship to be honest," he mutters.

"Why's that? Cause I'm awkward? Oh my god, are you calling me ugly?" I laugh.

"No, not at all- I think you're- I've just never heard you talk about boy's or girls in that way," He says quickly, all flustered.

I smile at him. "We're too young to date, unless you see a future what's the point at 17? Or any age to be honest. If you're not dating to marry you're playing games. Do you see that with Sophie?"

"I agree, you're dating to breakup if you're not dating to marry." He looks down at the table for a second before back at me. "I used to but then something happened..." his blue eyes meet mine before glancing away again. "But she said she wants to explore her options before picking someone," he shrugs.

"Why don't you breakup with her?"

"She could just be going through a rough patch, being popular is hard on you."

"What do you want your future to be?" I ask.

"As long as I'm happy, I don't know yet. Just going with the flow I guess, what about you?"

"I used to be pretty set on not being here but I'm not sure anymore. To prove I'm good enough and see where the next few years take me. Maybe I'll meet someone at further education and they'll be my future or maybe I'll achieve my dreams, I'm too young to know for sure," I laugh softly, he smiles a small smile.

"What are your dreams?"

"To be better than those people who said I never could be anything," I whisper, whilst winking at Josh. He looks taken back for a second before responding.

"I support that, I know you can do that. Fuck those people, you're too good for them anyway," he whispers back before continuing his soft whisper:

"Number 11: the future."

---

Dedication: AnnabethJackson345 you're so supportive and amazing, always there to support me and what I say! I love you so much amd you're so talented. You deserve the world and I edited this chapter to fit what you said on my message board about being cheated on. You deserve better, f×ck those people that hurt you. You're too good for them.