The Girl From Spain (girlxgirl)

Day 47/182: Sally

Ruefully, Sally glanced at her white pair of jeans before sinking to the ground next to Mila. Without hesitation, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, Mila took her hand again.

This right there, holding hands, no words, staring at the black ocean in front of them must have been the most peaceful moment Sally had experienced in a long while. The wind was blowing her hair into her face, destroying the carefully created curls but for once, she didn't care.

"I come here all the time, especially that late," Mila spoke up.

"Really?"

Sally could hear the eye roll. "I have a beach within walking distance from my apartment. Of course, I do that."

"That's fair." She chose not to confess that she had been at this particular beach only four times so far. The first time had happened years ago on a one-day trip to Brighton with her parents. The second time had been with Jake immediately after they moved in, the third time with Mila, and the fourth time... She had no idea how she had ended up there two weeks before. She had gotten lost again.

"Deep questi-"

"You did that already," Sally interrupted her. She finally averted her eyes off the water to look at the woman next to her. Mila was pouting at her, curiosity written on her face. To pull her coat closer to her body, Mila freed her hand, leaving Sally with a sense of emptiness.

Sally sighed. She closed her eyes, folded her arms together behind her head, and leaned back until her back was united with the ground. She chose to remain in that position despite the stones pricking her skin. "One more. Just this time."

"Why do always you dress up like this? When was the last time you just chilled in sweatpants all day?"

Sally wasn't even surprised anymore at the sort of questions Mila was asking her. She never guessed them correctly anyway. Soon, there would be nothing left to reveal. The idea scared her as much as it pleased her.

She yawned. "When I was younger, I did it in an attempt to fit in. I felt like the only way to do this to wear the most mainstream clothes, listen to the most mainstream music and use a ridiculous amount of makeup. And now, I'm used to it. In my job, I need to radiate confidence every single second, otherwise, people won't even listen to me. I need to look perfect and flawless to feel it."

"I wish I had that sort of confidence."

"Knowing others consider you pretty isn't as fulfilling as thinking it about yourself."

"You don't think you are beautiful?" Mila asked.

"I know I am. I'm tall but not taller than most men. I'm thin but have some curves. I have blonde, long hair, even fucking blue eyes. Objectively, I perfectly fit into western beauty standards. The thing is just that I don't give a fuck about those standards." With a lazy wave, Sally gestured at her body. "I personally don't like it. Not the height, the hair colour or the boniness. That's why I have the tattoos, to make this body my own."

"I think you're beautiful."

Sally formed a weak smile. Her voice was dripping with boredom when she replied, "Thanks."

"No," Mila said softly. "I'm not talking about your looks."

Sally's eyes opened in surprise. Mila was still sitting upright, staring at the water. "I think you are a beautiful person. With your beliefs, strength, protectiveness and everything else you let me see those last weeks."

The faint "Thank you", Sally whispered wasn't nearly enough to express how much this compliment meant to her.

Being told she was beautiful was one of the only compliments she had ever received. No one cared for her ambition, hard work, or intelligence. Most people would look at her and see a pretty, blonde, little girl who just happened to catch a job at one of the most highly reputable law firms in the city due to blinking with her eyelashes.

Not Mila. She saw her.

Mila sighed, scooted closer and laid down next to her, resting her head on Sally's shoulder. As this action was neither a big shock nor an unsettling move, there was nothing that could sufficiently explain the quickening of Sally's heartbeat or the sudden awareness.

Sally stared at the mess of dark hair on the back of Mila's head in astonishment. Her stomach swirled in the most unfamiliar and exhilarating way possible. It was a feeling so warm and beautiful, it easily exceeded every single emotion she had ever felt before.

The silence between them somehow was heavy. Sally wanted to fill it with her usual ramblings but she had nothing she could say. Not even a single fact about whales crossed her mind.

Clumsily, Sally wrapped an arm around Mila and held her. Softly at first, then tightly.

Sally closed her eyes again, doubt overwhelming her. Did this only mean something to her? Would Mila just forget about her the second she'll be back in Spain? "Deep question of the day," she said quickly.

"I earned that one," Mila admitted with a light chuckle.

"Are you happy here?"

"Yes," she answered immediately. Relief overflooded Sally.

"I feel different," Mila added after a few moments.

"In which way?"

"I don't know how to describe it. I think I changed a little. I'm not that afraid anymore, I don't worry as much about what people think of me. I feel like I'm a real person, an individual who makes their own decisions instead of just going along with everything people tell me. I know it must sound ridiculous because it's just been weeks but-"

"It doesn't," Sally interrupted her. "I'm very glad you feel this way, it's well deserved."

What she didn't say was that she realized at that very moment how much she had changed as well ever since Mila had stepped into her life. After having been stuck in the same place for a long time, growing up a bit had been long overdue.

But as Sally felt something irrevocably shift in the way she saw Mila that night, she had the presentiment that maybe, just maybe, the biggest change of all was yet to come.

***

Sally closed her apartment door and leaned against it, closing her eyes for a moment and allowing the exhaustion to wash over her.

She felt emotional and sore as if something had just ripped her open, leaving her heart and mind in a constant mode of alarm.

Sally flinched when she heard Jake calling her name from the living room. She took another moment to compose herself and then walked further into the apartment, finding him sitting on the sofa, watching TV. Jake turned it off the second he saw her and greeted her.

The catastrophic dinner seemed like weeks ago. Because of that, Sally had to think for a few seconds before she realized why he was looking at her expectantly.

Just like Mila, he didn't seem to be mad anymore, just curious. Life wouldn't be better but certainly easier if the people in her life weren't as sensible and caring.

With that sentiment in mind, she forced pushed herself to have a mature conversation. She owed him that much. Sinking down on the couch next to Jake, she said, "I'm sorry."

She leaned against his shoulder, desperately needing some physical comfort. Jake didn't let her down. He wrapped his arm around her and waited until she was ready to speak. "Emily is really nice, I had no idea about her ex."

Keeping Mila's words in mind, she added, "But it was wrong to set you up without asking you. You haven't been yourself lately and I'm worried. Are you okay?"

Jake pulled her closer. "I think I'm okay. But thank you."

"I just thought maybe you could be happier than you are."

"I don't have to be in a relationship to be happy. I was happy before Kai, remember?" He kissed the top of her head, making Sally smile. "But I guess I have been feeling a little weird lately."

"Can I do anything to help you?"

"You are here. That's enough."

Sally smiled again, warmth and affection filling her up.

This moment just made it painfully obvious how different her feelings towards Jake and Mila were. The relationship with Jake, as deep and lasting as it was, had always been platonic.

And with Mila, it was everything but that.