The Girl From Spain (girlxgirl)

Day 72/182: Mila

One week without hearing anything from Sally was rough.

Camila had expected Sally to ignore what had happened. She hadn't expected Sally to ignore her.

She didn't like the feeling of being ignored. The feeling of being replaceable, of never having mattered to the other person at all.

With every day, her mood sank a little bit more. On the seventh day without a message, she was the most grumpy she had been in a long time. As her phone began to buzz in the early afternoon, she literally sprinted to the other side of the room where her phone was laying on the desk. She felt pathetic.

She groaned in frustration when the display announced a video call from Lyra. Camila felt bad for being disappointed as she and Lyra hadn't talked in a while. It wasn't that her best friend meant less to her, it was just that they had nothing in between them that was currently threatening to ruin their entire relationship.

Camila took the video call and gave an unenthusiastic wave before sighing. "Hello."

"Thanks for the enthusiasm," Lyra commented. "What ruined your mood?"

Camila started to talk, explaining everything that had happened, including the silence. "I know we are not gonna live happily ever after but I don't want to be just friends with Sally," she confessed. "But it seems like Sally doesn't even want a friendship anymore."

"You haven't heard from her at all?"

"No. It's just been two texts from my side though, I didn't want to feel so pathetic. Do you think I should call her?"

Lyra took her time answering and when she did, she spoke slowly and carefully as if trying to find the right words to avoid making her mad. "I think your friendship is worth fighting for. But about the other thing... I don't think that would be a good idea. Don't go for it."

"You are the one who always tells me to let loose and make experiences," Camila complained, frowning.

"But you have feelings for her now. I mean, what do you think will happen? A relationship till the day you leave?"

Camila shook her head. "No relationship. Sally doesn't want that."

Lyra nodded. "Point proven."

"But-" She hesitated, knowing that she could say nothing to justify herself. There were no arguments that could justify her wish to be with Sally.

Lyra sighed and grimaced. "Do you have any ideas how frustrating it is to constantly give great advice knowing you will ignore it anyway?"

"Don't pretend you don't do the same to me!" Camila answered immediately. "What about last month when you thought it would be a great idea to go out with this guy who-"

Lyra groaned and then giggled. "Please never mention that again."

"I won't but I will say this: I told you so."

"And I'm telling you now about Sally: I will have told you so."

Lyra positioned her phone on her desk, leaning it against something Camila couldn't see and took a few steps back. "I bought a new dress today!"

Camila smiled. A little because she didn't want to continue talking about Sally and a lot because she was so happy to see Lyra like that. As a trans woman, Lyra had struggled with body dysmorphia and her looks for a long time. It was beautiful to witness her falling in love with her own body. "You look gorgeous," she said honestly.

Lyra grinned. "Thanks."

They continued to talk for another few minutes and then, Camila sat down on her bed, wondering what she was supposed to do with herself for the rest of the day. At first, she opened the book she had borrowed from the local library but she couldn't fully get into it. Her brain wasn't in the mood to deal with the English language.

Then, she used YouTube to watch her favourite Spanish news channel. She didn't know when watching news had become a source of comfort for her but something about the familiarity, whether in the language or the reporters that had worked at the show for years, was soothing. A tiny piece of connection to her origin.

In her desperation to find something to occupy her, she even started cleaning. Camila wiped the kitchen unit, folded the laundry she had washed the week before, organized the notes from her classes, and removed the dust from her shelf.

It wasn't enough. In the evening, she gave up and just motionlessly rested on the couch. After a while of thinking, she was starting to feel mad. Sally kissed her. She had no right to cut off contact.

With an annoyed eye-roll, she reached for her phone when it buzzed again. It was a message from Jake.

I'm in London till later tonight, Sally's home alone.

Another message arrived seconds later.

You know... for random information's sake.

Camila chewed on her lips as she contemplated whether or not to follow Jake's unsaid request. She usually wasn't the type of running after people. It was a matter of principle, dignity, and knowing her worth. But something inside her refused to give up on Sally so soon.

She knew herself well enough to realize that if she would take the time to think it through, she would decide not to go. So, determinedly, Camila swung her legs off the couch, grabbed her jacket, put on her shoes, and left.

It had something freeing to just be impulsive for once, to go after what she wanted. Camila spent the entire walk convincing herself not to turn around and deciding what she would say.

Finally, she was there. To her luck, someone was just leaving the building and held the door open so she could directly go up to Sally's apartment. She knocked on the door and held her breath in anticipation. Camila glanced back to the staircase. It wasn't too late to change her mind. She was currently showing the desperation and clinginess she wasn't keen on exposing.

Before she could make a run for it, the door opened. Sally froze in front of her. Surprise and fear flickered over her face before these emotions got replaced with a mask of indifference that might have fooled Camila two months ago.

Sally crossed her arms. "What are you doing here?"