Me Llamo Tokio (My Name Is Tokyo) - A Money Heist Prequel

Chapter 41 - A Walk To Remember

The days passed hardly as Juan played along on what I said about being professional. So, he acted like our talk from before about going out and exploring the city never happened.
All we did was to go out till the gallery that was at an approximate ten minutes walk from our rented villa and pretend we're just two tourists enjoying the surroundings. Of course, everything was happening while being really professional as we teased each other in the night after David tried to kill me.
"Juan," I say while walking hand in hand on the same road to the gallery for the seventh night in the row. "Don't you think they'll start to suspect something?"
"Mi amor."* he says without even turning to me. "There are some people, art lovers, who are coming here even twice a day, plus we're not even entering, we're going to the bar that's down the street."
A small and dirty bar was our coverup. And, apparently, these two Spanish tourists were enjoying so much one of the worst places to have a drink in Rome.
We take a seat at the same table that we used to stay at ever since the first night when we came here. Juan orders two glasses of Campari and a bowl of pistachios and I do the only thing that I have left, I watch the football game that's always on the TV no matter the hour.
"They closed earlier today," Juan whispers while taking a sip from his drink. "Note it."
I turn the pages of our makeshift notebook that's made to seem like any tourist's agenda and I write down the date and time.
Everyone contributed on creating this journal. I wrote verses from my favorite songs, while Juan thought that some love poems won't do any bad. Meanwhile, Alonso who was now full time part of our gang, sketched some buildings from around the city. But the funniest addition was Rodrigo's, who decided that some sex tips will work perfectly.
Anyone who would've gotten their hands on our travel journal wouldn't suspect that it's actually containing all the information necessary to do the perfect robbery. Written randomly through our lines, there are keys, access codes, the names of the people who will move the painting in the night of the auction and, the most important thing that Juan happened to hear a few days ago when we visited the gallery — the only moment when the painting can be stolen.
We finish our drinks in silence, then, as always, Juan lets the money on the table and we get out of the bar, hand in hand, exactly as we came.
"Do you want to eat something?" he asks.
"Yeah," I reply.
We were usually going to a McDonald's nearby and devouring some burgers since Rodrigo's cooking skills were absolutely terrible. The guy lived all his life with people who did stuff for him and when it was the moment to do something basic like a sandwich, I don't know how he was succeeding to fuck it up. So, the safest way to eat without getting any stomach virus was always outside.
I was somehow bothered by Juan's cold attitude, but I wasn't in the mood to fuck up the plan while we were in Italy. I know that I said I want to focus on the mission, but I guess he interpreted this in a very wrong way. Perhaps he felt rejected by me and thought that I'm the one who's acting cold because I talked to him like the plans that we did meant nothing to me.
I'm angry in a way too. That he didn't talk to me. Juan preferred to assume the entire thing and got colder instead of realizing that I was confused and agitated after I was about to be raped and killed that day. This lack of empty makes me want to punch him in the face, but I'm trying really hard not to start an argument until we get to Spain with the painting.
My hand is frantically digging through my bag. I need a cigarette and fast, because I don't know how long I'll be able to control my anger if I'm not going to smoke or do something to distract myself from the huge wave of fury that keeps hitting me over and over again all the time I think about Juan's behavior.
"I wouldn't start smoking now." His voice almost scares me.
I wasn't expecting him to say something other than to ask me what burger I want. Because this was our only topic every night.
"Why?" I sound angrier that I wanted, but I can't control myself.
"Because you'll have to throw it soon," Juan says calmly.
"And why is that?" I snap. "I always wait by the fountain while you go and get the food."
This was our daily routine. I was waiting by Fontana Di Trevi while he was buying what I wanted from the fast-food nearby. All alone, looking at the people who were throwing coins in the water hoping that their wishes will come true. I was thinking how a few weeks ago I would've wanted to throw a coin and make a wish too, but not now that my wish was true and somehow we managed to get colder.
"Maybe we'll go in together," he says after a while.
"Juan, I'm not in the mood for this, really." And I'm not lying.
I'm tired of this entire gap that got formed between us and, if I would've known how to fix it, I would've done it from the first day, only I don't and I feel stupider with each day that passes. I wish I could fix us, because this entire thing is simply dumb, but unfortunately, I don't hold the answers to all our problems and, apparently, neither Juan does. Also, if I'm the only one who wants to fix us, but he's not doing anything, it's like I'm working all alone and no good result will came out of this.
He stops all of a sudden and turns to look at me.
Only now I realize that I have no idea where we are and that I automatically walked after him, lost in my thoughts, without caring about the destination.
The street is small and dimly lit by a few lanterns that are hanging on the houses' doors.
"I'm sorry." he says looking right into my eyes. "For everything."
"It's fine." my answer comes after a while as I needed a few seconds to come back from the shock that he said sorry to me. "I'm sorry too."
"I don't want us to be like this." he looks down. "Cold."
"Me neither, but you kept acting like that ever since that day when David tried to kill me and we talked about our plans." I'm not planning to hide anything from him now that he had the courage to apologize. "It's not my fault, you know. I just wanted to convince you that I'm fine and I wanna be part of this plan too."
"I know and I'm sorry for making you feel like you did something wrong, because you didn't." Juan says. "All these days, I was mostly upset on myself. I wasn't even realizing that it affects you, until Rodrigo told me and I looked around and saw it too. I was upset on my inability to protect you and in no way I was thinking about the time when you said that you wanna be professional."
"Oh my God!" I exclaim trying really hard not to show him how annoyed I am. "How could you?"
"I'm sorry. I really am." he sounds genuine. "But it hurts me when I know that one day I might lose you because I'm too stupid to be able to care for you enough."
"Can you get your shit together, Juan?" I'm angry on him, but, in a way I understand his reasons too. "Don't you think that I'm scared to lose you too? You're doing all sort of shits too, El Zorro is after us, your gang is hunting you and who knows what else might happen. Yet I'm here for you everyday, without making you feel bad for my own fears."
"You're right." there's a lot of sadness in his voice. "I realized this too, only too late and if you don't want to forgive me it's completely..."
I don't let him finish his phrase. I just jump on him and kiss him. A long and passionate kiss that I was holding for so long that now that it exploded it feels even better than I imagined.
"I forgive you." I say caressing his face. "I'll always be here to forgive you."
He looks moved, probably impressed by my reaction. Well, what can I say, maybe I got more mature these months.
"Thank you." he whispers and comes to reciprocate my kiss. "I'll do my best to fix everything."
I know that most of the times, the pain you provoke someone can't be fixed that easily. Only, in this case, Juan was my weakness, and no matter what he was doing I was always forgiving him without waiting for anything in exchange. Even the wounds that I was having after suffering because of him weren't hurting that much. It was weird, yet fascinating how love can change a person and the emotions that they're feeling and experiencing.
I smile and look at him, wondering if I'll ever feel the intensity of the scars that I have left from all the fights that we had and all the pain that he made me go through. I hope not, but universe always has its strange ways.
For now, the wisest thing to do is to choose forgiveness over anguish and to go with the flow of life wherever it might take me.
"Te amo."* he says while taking my hand.
"Te amo."* I reply.
I'm ready to go wherever he'll take me. I have no regrets and no second thoughts. All I know is that I love this man and he loves me too, and the only thing that can separate us is death. But, till there there's a long way of happy moments and memories that I'm not going to ignore just because I'm scared.
So, I smile and walk with him on the dark alley, ready to impregnate in my soul another beautiful memory with the love of my life.