That night, I found myself back at home at the kitchen table with Akira. I couldn't bear to even let myself think. Every time I zoned out, Keiji was the only thing I thought about.
It had only been a few hours, and I missed him more than ever. It hurt to know that I would slowly get used to him not being here.
I didn't want to make new friends, and I don't even know if I'm able to.
My eyes shifted up towards the ceiling. Maybe I should text Keiji and see if he got to the airport. Or would I seem too clingy?
Ah, I would've never been afraid to talk to him if he was still here!
I pulled out my phone and opened up messages. I haven't texted him in a while, because I would see him every day. If anything, I could just walk over to his house at any time in the day.
From y/n:
'Kaashi, did you make it to the airport ok?
I hesitated to hit send but ended up clicking anyway. Keiji wouldn't mind if I texted him, right? And why was I being so self-conscious?
From iakash4s:
Yeah, the plane just landed in California :)
From y/n:
That's good. When are you going to the dorms?
From iakash4s:
Probably later today, but I might end up staying with Bokuto in his apartment
Every text I received made me smile a bit. At least I knew that he was okay, that's what mattered most.
From y/n:
Heh, I miss you :)
I typed slowly, trying to sound as emotionless as possible. I knew that Keiji wouldn't mind me being myself, but for some reason, over text, I didn't act like myself at all.
From iakash4s:
Don't worry, I'll be back for you, just wait a bit
My eyes dropped at his message. Just wait a bit? I didn't want to wait a bit. I wanted him to be with me now! Was I really this selfish?
From y/n:
:)
I sighed and walked upstairs. It was almost 9 pm and I still needed to shower. I walked straight into my room and grabbed an oversized t-shirt and shorts.
I made my way into the bathroom and quietly shut the door behind myself. I took my uniform off and stepped into the shower.
The water was much hotter than necessary, but I didn't mind. The almost boiling water felt good as it dripped down my back and soaked up my hair.
My skin felt like it was burning, but my muscles were still cold. My hair reached almost halfway down my back when it was wet. Keiji used to say that it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen or touched.
He would compliment me too much, I feel. I tried to do the same since he deserved much more than I did. Ever since he left earlier today, I've started to regret how I acted around him.
He was never really one to express feeling or emotion, but instead, he would show affection in other ways. He was always caring and passionate, even when he was silent. I could've been better to him, of course, I could.
I tilted my head upwards slightly, feeling the same hot water pour down my cheeks. I was pretty sure tears were flowing out of my eyes as well, but the burning water made it hard to tell.
I didn't realize that I would be this attached to Keiji. He didn't really seem to budge about leaving either, but I never know what is actually going on in his head.
God, I was almost certain that he was acting perfectly normal in California while I was here crying in a boiling shower.
Why was I so stuck on him? Yeah, I loved him more than I have ever experienced love before. It was the only time I experienced love, really. I guess I wouldn't know.
I had never seen anyone love someone like Keiji does. He was special, and I had my reasons to be attached to them, but not to this extent.
And by the way, I had been in the shower for way too long now, haven't I?
