The car ride home was very peaceful. All three of us were typically introverts, so silence wasn't a problem for any of us. Keiji looked strangely empty as he looked out of the car window.
My mom mentioned multiple times that she was proud of us, and to be honest, I was quite proud of myself. I had almost all A's (mostly cuz Keiji forced me not to procrastinate) and I got into one of the best colleges in Japan.
Even though this should have been a happy occasion, this was probably the worst day of my life. Tonight was when Keiji's airplane takes off, and he will spend the summer in the US to get used to the place. I tried not to think about him leaving, but the thought stuck.
I reached my hand over to the center of the backseat near Keiji's hand. His fingers quickly interlocked with mine, without him even noticing my hand.
I didn't want this day to end, because I knew that tomorrow, Keiji would be gone. Tomorrow I would wake up on my first day of summer, but my first day without him.
Yeah, I would text him and call him every day, but how long was that going to last? It wasn't the same, and just hearing about his day wasn't enough. I missed him already, how could I last at least four more years of loneliness?
As the car reached the driveway of my house, I unbuckled my seatbelt and hopped out of the car. I couldn't stand to know that this would be the last of so many things. Things that I wish I didn't take for granted.
"Thank you for the ride, L/n-san," Keiji smiled at my mother as the three of us stood in the driveway.
"You can call me by my first name, Keiji," she chuckled.
"But no problem, I'm just sad to see you go so soon," she smiled.
"Alright, I have to go pack up the rest of my things, but I'll be sure to come back to say goodbye," he sighed. Just his words alone made my stomach flip inside out. Was this real? Was he really gonna leave?
I felt guilty and greedy. I wanted him to stay with me so badly. I had never been greedy, so why wasn't it okay to be greedy just this once?
Keiji. Stay with me.
Please.
But I knew it would never happen and I had to move on. His education was much more important than this tiny high school relationship. It was just my teenage hope, nothing more, nothing less. I just wished it didn't hurt me this much.
"Ok, bye Keiji," I smiled at him, leaning in for a hug. I was showing this lack of emotion that I hated. I didn't want him to see me so desperate, but I was acting like my mother.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me towards himself. The hug lasted longer than I expected it to, but as every second went by, the more I wanted it to last forever.
As I pulled away from him, my eyes sank to the floor. I could feel them getting teary, but my mind continuously told my body not to show any emotion.
He hugged my mom quickly and started walking towards his house. I watched every step he took as if he was walking away from this bottomless ocean that I was slowly sinking into.
Every step felt like another meter that I sank. And the further I got, the slower and deeper my breaths for air cried. The more I sank, the more I choked, the more it hurt. Every single step hurt like hell itself.
At first, Keiji was swimming with me. We would help each other stay above the water. Sometimes we would go play on the beach, but now, it was too late for me to go to the beach alone.
It was as if Keiji finished swimming. Like the end of the day on a beach trip. As if he just wrapped up his towel and left.
Forgetting that I was still drowning.
