Vigilant | N.H.

Eleven.

January 9th, 2016

BLAIR'S POV
I've never seen him quite like this. I look up at his relaxed face as my head rests on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart.

He looks angelic.

I'm used to him constantly being cold and shutting everyone out, but last night he opened the door and let me in.

I still can't believe he's affiliated with drug dealers. I know there's a lot more that he's not telling me, too. Speaking of jobs, I should probably start looking for one.

He groans and stretches his legs as I shift up off of him and sit upright.

"Somebody slept good," I softly speak out.

He tiredly nods and reaches his arms out to me. "What?" I ask, trying to figure out what he wants.

"Just lay here," he says as he pats his chest. I accidentally ended up there when I woke up and I honestly never thought I would be there again. I rest my head down on him as he gently runs his fingers through my dirty blonde locks.

"You know how I said my grandparents didn't do much with me, they kinda just were there?" his voice is low and shaky. I glance up at him and nod, staring into his glossy blue eyes.

"During that time, I got into bad stuff..." he trails off, staring at the colorless ceiling. "A lot of bad stuff." My eyes furrow as he sighs and starts out again. "When I was 11, most of my friends were older and in gangs. My grandparents struggled a lot financially, and when they helped raise me, they struggled even more. As you can imagine, I got in with the wrong crowd, they showed me the ropes, and soon I was taking part in the same activities they were." I take a gulp and nod my head, not knowing what to say. "I was never part of a gang because I know once you're in, you're in. I was heavily affiliated with many members, so I eventually got roped into participating in some of their activities. I made money by helping to deal drugs, which I didn't want to do, but I knew I had to help secure a future for myself. I told my grandparents I helped to cut grass and do other labor for elderly people, which they thought nothing of considering that's a normal job for teenage boys. So yeah, I risked my life a lot and even my grandparent's safety, but it was necessary. I regret it sometimes though..." he trails off, leaving more to be said.

"Why?" I finally speak.

"I don't know, I guess a big part of me wishes I could have experienced a normal childhood, one that wasn't full of violence and danger." His eyes swell with tears but he quickly blinks to make them disappear.

"Hey," I sit up as he follows. I gently grab both of his hands and gaze into his sleepy, irritated eyes. "I'm so proud of you."

He sniffles a bit and drops his head before his soft eyes greet mine again. "How could anyone ever be proud of me? All I did was let my parents down, even after they were gone. My grandparents didn't even care enough to support me at my little league games," he breaks.

I look into his eyes that are filled with tears before watching them stream down his pale face. I've never seen him like this—ever.

And I never want to have to ever again.

My heart feels heavy, like it's slowly being ripped apart—I can't do anything to take away the pain or change the past. I pull him into a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around his upper back. His head sinks into my shoulders as the waterfall of tears continues to cascade down his face, leaving a damp puddle of evidence on my shirt. I carefully stroke his back and remain quiet as he pours all of his emotions out. A few moments pass by as the fresh morning air seems to thicken.