Midnight Tales | ✔

38

Dear Jaehyun,

It's a bit funny that I am writing this letter addressed to you when you're just a foot away from me, sleeping soundly. I don't know where to begin so I'll just right anything that comes into my mind. First things first. Thank you—thank you so much for playing that melody, for playing that piano, and for coming here, even if it wasn't your own choice. I was surprised by the way that you learned that song, I've always wondered how you learned it or where you've heard it.

I was really hesitant at first. Honestly, I was afraid of you. You look so much like Min Seok. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh. You look and sound so much like him that it scared me. It scared the hell out of me that I might fall again. I was devastated by the loss of Min Seok, and I'm afraid that I might lose myself if ever I take the risk again and end up the same way. So I guarded my heart against you.

But you were always there. Always there to annoy and disturb me, and I was secretly falling but I always remind myself to stop. This time for another reason, not because I was scared but because I was unsure of who I was falling in love with—you Jung Yoon-Oh, or Min Seok. I was unsure if I was falling in love with you or if I was just falling in love because I see him in you.

And then that incident at the lake happened. It finally made me realize that I was really falling in love with you Jaehyun and it scared me more. I know you will not stay. I know you will leave, that was why I pushed you. You made me want to be not alone again. That was why I became desperate to let you go home. The earlier you leave the better. You have your dreams Jaehyun, you love your friends. That's why I can not ask you to stay. I can never ask you to stay.

But then you said you'd stay that night in the music room, and I was very happy. That finally after a very long time, someone's finally staying. I will no longer stay alone in this place. But then I saw the journal, while I was staying in the study room, I saw the journal Min Seok left. And I read everything Jaehyun. I know your feelings are true, but I know that you were also convinced by your guilt to save me and this reality. You might not realize it Jaehyun but it was the truth.

And I was right when I heard you that one night in the study room. Holding your phone. You missed them Jaehyun. You miss your life and I have no right to take it from you. So I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for forcing you to leave. I'm sorry I lied.

That day in the garden. I knew it was the last time I'm going to see you. I set you up, I was not writing. I was looking for a way for you to go back, hoping it will work—and it did.

This letter might or might not reach you. But Jaehyun, I was never able to tell you.

I love you.

Jung Yoon Oh, Jaehyun. Let's meet again. I want to see the flower field you talked about, the one on Jeju Island. Let's see it together in our next lives.

Forever yours,
Kim Soyoung