A Series Of Life Changing Events

Chapter 8: 20 Questions

~Monday After School~

I walk in the door after a long day of school and it's silent. That's weird. There is always some kind of noise. I walk into the kitchen to find a note from Gerard and Lindsey saying that they went grocery shopping and to run errands. They said they would be home soon. Wow. I've never been home alone before. I walk upstairs and put on a sweatshirt. It's really cold upstairs. Shower. Showers are the best. I plug my phone into the speaker and climb into the shower. The music is infectious and I'm trying to fight the need to sing, but then I realize I'm home alone. I can do whatever the heck I want. I start singing loud and clear. Not too loud, but not soft at all. I have nothing to hold back. I have nothing to hide. I'm singing to My Chem and dancing. I'm trying my best not to fall. That would suck. I haven't sang since the day Gerard and Lindsey adopted me. Before that I hadn't sang since the day of "the incident". It feels so good to just sing and let out all my feelings. When I'm singing it feels like nothing else exists. It feels like a million weights are being lifted off of me. But all good things must come to an end. The water is getting cold. I know I will regret it, but I turn off the water. Then I turn down the music and carry it to my room to get ready. I don't turn the my music off until I am dressed again. Then I go downstairs and Gerard is in the kitchen. Oh no. How long has he been here? Did he hear me singing? This is really not good. "Hey!" He notices me. I feel sick. "Hi." Act casual. "So...How long have you been home?" "Not long...But long enough to hear your little concert." He starts giggling a bit. Oh no. This is really not good. I'm so stupid. I should have thought that he might come home. He's looking at me. He's waiting for an answer. Run. I try to forget everything and bolt up to my room as fast as possible. I run inside and lock the door. Then I run to my drawer and look through it to find a book. I quickly pick it up and start going through the pages. It's my song book. Every song I've ever written is in here. Thank God he doesn't know about this. I hear a knock on the door. "Hey Lil, can I come in?" Gerard questions. I don't answer. "Please just answer me." Fine. "The door is locked. You can only come in if you can find a way in." I hear the footsteps leave. Then I hear the main entrance to the house open and close. What is he doing? I look out the window and he has a ladder. He's not going to. He can't. Oh my God he is. He's walking up the ladder. The higher he gets the more afraid I become. He finally reaches my window and climbs in. "Thank you for the invitation, but I lost the key to your room." He says laughing. Well at least he's not mad at me. He just climbed to the second floor and jumped through a window just to talk to me. Maybe he does care. "So you heard me. What now? I know I'm really bad and I never wanted you to hear me." I say falling onto my bed and hiding my face in my pillow. "You're kidding right? You're an amazing singer! You're the best singer of your age that I've heard in a long time." He says with a straight face. He has to be lying to me. "Oh really? Cause I don't feel that way." I mumble into the pillow. "Yes, really. You're fantastic." He says. I feel the bed lower. He sitting on the edge of my bed. "Hey, what's this?" He says with a confused expression. I look up and he is reading my song book. I bounce up and try to get it away from him. "NO GIVE IT BACK!" I yell. He continues reading. I rip it away and hold it in my arms tightly. "Were those song lyrics?" He asks. No shit Sherlock. I nod slightly. "Are you okay?" He asks concerned. "Do you have anything you need to talk about?" He asks. What is with the endless questions? I just did it again. I know my songs are sad and angry but I don't want to talk about my feelings. Normally I don't tell anyone my feelings and I just let it out in my music. "Lilly...?" Gerard says snapping me back to reality. "Uh... I'm fine. I don't need to talk about anything. Like you said, 'Everybody gets depressed. It's totally normal." He laughs trying to lighten the mood. "Don't quote me to me." He smiles. "But seriously, there is nothing you can't tell me. I am always here for you and always will be here for you. I promise." He says with confidence. "Do you really think I'm a good singer?" I ask with doubt. "Do you really think I'm a good lier?" He asks as an answer. We both laugh. We sit there in silence. "Do your homework." He says getting up to leave. "Damn it." I say wishing he had forgotten. I'm so glad I have a father like him.