Now or Never

Chapter Seven

I walk into the office the next day later than usual, not caring about the long speech Corinna will give me for not coming in on time. Or to remind me that people were waiting for my help; that I had an obligation and swore to be there for those who needed me.

"Amalia," Henry pokes his head from his office, the next room from mine. "There's someone waiting for you. We tried to get him to come in later and make an appointment, but he insisted."

For a moment, I think of Tobias. Even though I didn't want to discuss what happened yesterday we rarely go this long without talking. I've spent years seeing him every day, happy or not.

"Thanks," I grin before turning into my office to be welcomed by a tall figure slouching in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"Al," I say a bit surprised, "I didn't expect to see you here. Were you waiting long?"

He looks up towards me to reveal the puffiness under his eyes, there's a red tint in his cheeks. "You said to come here if we needed to talk. And I think... I think I do."

After closing the door behind me, I sit in my chair and set my bag on the floor. My hands fold into one another as I lean across the desk a bit.

There's a long silence. I watch him scan the floor, trying to find the right words. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he hasn't slept in days.

"I..." he starts, meeting my eyes. "I feel like I'm failing."

"What do you feel like you're failing at?" It's a stupid question, of course I know.

"Initiation. At first they said I had high potential, but now I'm one of the last people in the ranks. I'm going to get cut after stage two, I know it." His large hand runs through his messy hair.

"I've seen you fight, you're good. Your instructor tells me you were the first person out of all the initiates to knock someone out."

"That's why I refused to get back up after a single hit. I didn't want to hurt anyone else. And now it's cost me a decent rank."

I sigh, scooting into the desk more. "Al, that isn't your fault. It's the barbaric side of Dauntless that becomes more competitive every year. I'm sorry about your rank, I didn't do well my year either, but I'm sure things will get better for you."

Al raises his shaking head. "I couldn't even see my parents yesterday. I heard they were looking for me but I hid. I'm a coward."

That word stings more than most. It's the word Tobias called himself, how I felt for a long time. "You're nowhere near being a coward. Never call yourself that."

"I just don't know what I'd do if I become factionless..." he cradles his head in his hands.

I stand and silently walk to his side, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. "You won't become factionless, Al. You'll learn as time goes on. I promise."

Our eyes meet again, his cheeks are wet from tears. "I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry." He gets up so fast that the chair falls behind him, swerving around me to pass through the door.

I stand confused, my hand still in midair. That wasn't the "breakthrough", as Corinna would say, I was hoping to have with him.

Henry looks into my office as confused as I feel. "What was that about?" His eyebrows furrow.

"I... don't know" I say in a low voice.