Now or Never

Chapter Thirteen

In less than a week, the initiates will go through their fear landscape to conclude their training. They'll find out where they're ranked and they'll celebrate becoming Dauntless. At least that's what they think will happen.

For the past few days, I've met with a few people. Learning about certain fears; some common like heights or bugs, while others are strange. Like being altered and shoved that they physically become smaller. It's moments like these I regret becoming a transfer social worker, they make me relive my own fears that took me years to push away on my own.

After sleeping on it, I've accepted whatever outcome is going to come the day after stage three. I know we'll be as ready as we can be, and that I'm stronger with Tobias at my side.

Tobias and I sit together at our usual table, mumbling conversation while pushing our food around our plates. All the stories I've heard from the initiates and whatever plan the Dauntless have takes up most of my train of thought. But I also wonder what's going through his.

"Are you guys fighting again?" Shauna drops her tray on the other side of Tobias, slouching into her chair. "You both look awful, no offence."

Tobias shakes his head with the pucker of his lips. "No, not fighting."

"Just a lot on my mind," I try reassuring Shauna.

She nods, not convinced one bit. But she seems to be lost in her own thoughts as well.

"Something wrong?" I ask, lifting a forkful of crushed potatoes up then letting it pile back on the plate.

"You know how I hate you playing shrink with me," her eyes roll, tearing her dinner roll apart.

I'm about to back down when she leans across the table a bit, her head leaning against her propped up hand. "I wish I knew more about what's going through Lynn's head. Especially at this stage. Has she gone to talk to you yet? I know she likes you enough to admit her feelings."

I shake my head, knowing well we've had this conversation already. "Sorry, no. I haven't talked to her since capture the flag."

"What about you, Four? What's it like seeing her fears?" She looks eager to know, wanting to close a hole in their sibling connection. I wish Ethan and I were still that close.

Tobias shifts in his chair, taking a bite out of a piece of meat he cut up into small bits. "I can't talk to you about her fears, you know that."

She groans, frustrated. "Is that your rule, or Dauntless's rule?"

"Does it matter?" He cocks an eyebrow.

"Sometimes I feel like I don't even know her, that's all."

I sigh, slouching in my chair. Tobias meets my eyes when I look at him. He grins, but I can tell he's not all there. Maybe he is freaking out as much as I am.

"I'm sure she'll come around, Shauna. It'll be better once you're actually allowed to be around her again."

"You're doing it again," she shakes her head, stuffing her mouth with food.

"Sorry," I give a short chuckle before stabbing at my own plate again.

We all sit silently, letting the conversations around us fill the voids. It's nice to not have to talk, especially when you're with people who don't mind the silence either.

Once dinner is over, the three of us walk out of the dining hall together. My hand securely wraps around Tobias's without thinking about who's around. It makes me feel safer.

"Hey!" Zeke waves from the other side of the Pit. He's swinging a roll of tape around his finger. "Want to go punch something?"

"Yes," the three of us reply in unison.

Shauna and Zeke walk together in front while Tobias and I walk in the back. His arm is slung over her shoulders while she tells him about the people she works with at the fence.

It's nice to be this close to Tobias again. Enough to feel his warmth, how leveled his breaths are. I look at him with a purer grin this time, he does the same. Planting a kiss against my lips without hesitation.

"Get a room," Zeke smirks, glancing over his shoulder.

"You started it," Tobias chuckles.

When we're closer to the training room, voices sound behind the heavy doors. Laughs mostly, a shooting noise. Tobias drops my hand with a frown, pushing his shoe against the door to see who's inside. As the door swings up, we find four familiar faces: Lynn, Uriah, Marlene and Tris.

Deja vu again.

Even Tobias looks bewildered to see our two worlds colliding.

"I thought I heard something in here," he talks loud enough for the group to hear.

I can see just passed his shoulder enough to watch Uriah stick a pellet gun under his belt, giving us an innocent smile.

"Turns out it's just my idiot brother," Zeke shakes his head. "You're not supposed to be in here after hours. Careful, or Four will tell Eric, and then you'll be as good as scalped."

The four initiates walk out of the room in single file, not as upset to be caught as others would be. They'll probably find another place to cause chaos after this.

"You wouldn't tell Eric," Lynn looks at Four with her eyes wide, lips in a mock quiver.

"No, I wouldn't," Four looks amused. Once Tris is out of the room, he lets the door close and catches my hand again. It's strange to have three Abnegation in the group, rather than two.

"Mal," Lynn grins, nudging me with her arm. "We should get matching tattoos again."

I smile at her. "Not after last time. The tattoo you made me get looks weird where you insisted I put it."

"It was for Four's benefit, not yours," she giggles.

Uriah starts to walk backwards, giving us a smirk. "Where is it then if it's for "Four's benefit"?"

I glance at Four, he's just smirking at the ground. "That's for us to know, and for you to never to find out."

"Such a tease," he wiggles his eyebrows before passing behind us to walk with Tris. She needs to take longer strides to catch up with the rest. It's just nice to see her start to move on after the other night.

"Did I mention I like your head buzzed?" I grin at Lynn, changing the subject. My free hand lifts to rub the prickly texture of her blonde head.

"I'll never grow it out again. I feel so much more freedom not having to wash it all the time," she chuckles and directs her attention to Marlene. "You better have saved me some of that muffin, Mar," Lynn catches up to the front of the group.

I sigh, feeling sort of content. My body molds into Tobias's side when he drops my hand to wrap around my waist. My hand sits on top of his. I feel his warm touch against my bare skin between my clothes.

It's easy to forget your problems when you're with the people who make you appreciate what you have and where you are.