Now or Never

Chapter Twenty Five

I lean against the wall of the elevator for support, watching the numbers get higher and higher as we pass each floor.

"Beatrice, I wanted to thank you for protecting Caleb," he breaks the silence after a long moment, "I—"

The doors open up for us to be greeted by two guards ready to shoot at us. Tris and I instinctively fall to the ground with our hands over our heads, but Andrew shoots at them first; their bodies slump to the ground and he stands over them.

A unison of running sounds from the left side of the hallway we've arrived at; we have the opportunity to run, but they must be coming from the control room. Our best option is to hide. I lay slumped beside the fallen guards, slowly reaching for the ammunition pack at their belt.

Andrew doesn't follow our lead; he starts to run in the opposite direction, but doesn't get far. I watch him shoot over his shoulder, almost about to turn the corner, when a bullet is shot directly into his stomach.

They keep shooting at him, they won't stop until his eyes go as lifeless as their own. Though his life is slowly being ripped away, Andrew keeps shooting at the remaining guards. One by one they fall to the ground. But each has sent numerous shots into him.

"Dad," Tris chokes out, I see tears starting to fall. He slumps to the ground with a last puff of air, his mouth open as if he was going to say something but it was too late.

"Tris," I use the gun to push myself off of the ground, "we have to keep moving."

She doesn't move for a moment, like she could stay here forever, but pushes herself off of the ground. Nodding to me that it's time.

We both know what we must do now. The both of us having our families stripped from us today, witnessing and causing death around us; we must destroy the simulation.

Though I'm limping more as I run, Tris still has to push herself to keep with my stride. I lead us through the hallways I've been down countless times, towards the only door at the end of the hallway.

...

Whenever I came into the control room before, the screens would have nothing but people walking around the streets, members all over the Compound, empty alleyways. But now all the cameras are focused on the Abnegation Sector; Dauntless soldiers ordered to pull families apart and line up the adults for them all to shoot at like targets in a shooting range.

"Remember," Tris whispers to me, "he won't remember who you are. He will try to hurt you." She stays at the door to guard.

I nod, pulling my eyes away from the screens to look down at the one person in the room sitting in front of the monitors. I'd recognize that body anywhere; his back straight, his hair shaped perfectly short.

"Tobias," I say with a leveled voice, at least trying.

His head quickly turns around and swiftly aims a gun at me within a second; he looks confused, his eyes are not his own.

"Drop your weapon," he adjusts his finger hovering over the trigger.

"Tobias," I take a step closer, "you're in a simulation."

"Drop your weapon," he repeats, "or I'll fire."

Reluctantly I set my gun on the ground and hold my hands up in surrender.

When I look back up at him, he stares emotionlessly with the gun still pointing at me. I know he'll shoot me no matter what, Tris warned me he would hurt me no matter what. He doesn't recognize me.

I take a breath and launch myself at him, grabbing his wrist that holds the gun and kneeing him in his stomach. I've seen how he fights, but I know I'd never be able to replicate his perfected moves. I don't have a chance against him, but I still need to try.

I twist his wrist until the gun drops to the ground, pushing him enough to get him to slam into one of the desks. I send a punch into his stomach, another in his jaw. But he takes my fist into his hand when I'm about to send another punch, twisting it until there's a crack.

A new pain jolts through my hand; he catches me at my weak moment and strikes. He sets his hand around my throat and body slams me into the floor, hovering over me. I smack him with my free hand, kicking him as much as I'm able to, but he's too strong for me.

I suddenly remember what's jabbing into my back: the gun I took from one of the guards I killed to get here. My vision starts to blur when I choke for air, using my good hand to try to make him loosen his grip while the broken one slides under my back to reach for the handle.

Just as my eyelids grow heavy, I pull the gun out from my waistband and point the end at Tobias. His grip loosens around my throat. Before I can even gasp for air, I knee him into his ribs and push myself far enough to have a chance.

"Tobias," my voice comes out scratchy. He holds his ribs as he stands back up, starting to walk towards me as if prepared to take the gun and point the end at my head.

"Tobias, please. Please. I know you're in there." My eyes start to sting, from the pain and the knowing that we're this close but he's not the person I know.

I push myself up against one of the desks, leaning into it with my hands still holding up the gun. He comes closer and closer.

"Please, Tobias. Wake up," tears run down my cheeks, "wake up."

I see Tris at the corner of my eye, I know she'll shoot if he gets any closer.

"Please," I mumble through a sob. "See me."

I remember my fear landscape; how he told me to kill him. That he wanted me to end the life he was tired of living. But I refused, even after he revealed he kidnapped my brother; I still pointed the gun at myself rather than him.

If it were ever between him or me, I'd choose him every time.

I was the one tired of the life I was living.

When he's less than a foot away, I press the end of the gun at my head, letting him take the handle into his own palm.

He holds the gun against me, staring into me as I'm staring into him. He wouldn't be happy to know I accepted my death, he would be furious. But I'm still willing to do anything for him; even if it involves my own life.

I raise my good hand against his chest, feeling his heartbeat while the other gently grazes his cheek.

"I love you," I whisper to him, "it's okay."

I still stare into his lifeless eyes as the bullet clicks into the chamber, waiting for whatever comes next.

"It's okay," I mouth to him. My eyes shut and wait for the darkness to take me.