Now or Never

Chapter Twelve

I wake the next morning alone on the couch; the blanket we shared tucked under my body, the two pillows supporting my head and back. It's cold enough for me to tug the blanket over my mouth to quiet down the chattering I can't help but make. Grey skies linger through the window, water droplets littering the glass.

It's always a bliss moment before your thoughts come rushing in. At first, all I'm able to do is stare at our cracked wall. But then I remember last night; is Tris still in my room? Is Tobias okay? And a small snippet of my dream comes to mind. After all this time, I'm still trying to push it away. Luckily it's becoming more of a blur if I don't let the vision play for long and allow my other worries flood in.

There's shuffling from the kitchen then a door latching closed. I'm reminded that it could be my roommates, but neither of them are as heavy footed as Tobias.

Our eyes meet when he enters the living room; he holds a glass of water at the rim, offering me a grin as he crouches at the head of the couch. "Morning," he mumbles, brushing some of my hair away from my face.

"Hey," I clear my throat with a cough, "is she still here?" I can't help but regret not doing more last night; it's my job to help the initiates, to help everyone, but I was too lost in thought- thinking of my own experiences. Maybe, if she is still here, I could say something more.

Tobias sighs as he shakes his head. "She left for breakfast after I gave her that motivational speech you were telling me about. She looked determined to face the others."

"That's good," I nod while biting my inner cheek, "did you sleep okay? The couch isn't that big."

He cocks an eyebrow. "I slept fine, but did you?"

That night stayed between Zeke and me, as far as I know, Eric never mentioned it again. Ever since the dreams started happening, I just told Tobias they were nightmares- nothing more.

"What do you mean?" I tie my hair into a ponytail as a distraction, always afraid to lie to him eye-to-eye.

He takes the spot beside me after placing the glass on the coffee table. "You were moving around a lot in your sleep."

"Tobias, please don't worry about it. They're nothing, I promise." I hate lying to him, but this is something I can't admit yet. Not even to myself.

Telling Tris last night was the first time I ever talked about it since the night of and it sort of feels all kinds of wrong.

He studies me, the crease appearing. I can't help but run my thumb over the line. "You'd tell me, right? If you wanted to talk?"

"Of course." It barely comes out audible, "I'll let you know if I ever want to talk about it."

Tobias nods, pressing a few kisses against my lips.

We're this close for a long moment; my hands on the sides of his neck while his hands find their way under the blanket to hold my waist. It's nice to sit in this silence; who knows how many other chances we'll get?

I could stay like this longer but the door to the apartment opens, a debate from Mia and Tara starts as if on cue.

Tobias sighs, standing up. "I'll see you at dinner?"

Mia and Tara walk into the room, growing silent at the sight of us.

"Oh, it's you," Tara makes a face, crossing her arms over her chest.

Mia nudges Tara with her elbow before smiling at us. "Morning, Four. Mal."

Tobias nods then looks back down at me.

"I'll see you at dinner," I grin.

He nods before walking around the furniture, mumbling something to Tara then closing the front door behind him.

"So you two are officially good again?" Mia asks with a hopeful look. I haven't updated them since the fight.

I just nod with a grin, standing with the blanket corners in my hands to fold.

"Yay!" Mia exclaims then walks into her bedroom, Tara trailing behind.

After stuffing the blanket back into the closet and taking my water, I cross the room through my open door.

Either Tobias or Tris fixed my bed in an Abnegation uniform, the clothes I left out for her are folded on top of my desk, but had been clearly worn. There's a faint smell of apples lingering through the air.

I can't help but ache for the simplicity of our old lives. Back to when there wasn't any danger waiting for us around every corner... that we knew of, anyways.

...

I get to the office late after breakfast. A mug of steaming coffee in my hand, my bag swinging from the other. There's chattering coming from all around, but a conversation abruptly stops when my door opens.

"Amalia," I look over my shoulder to find Corinna walking towards me, "did you have any appointments scheduled earlier today?"

I mentally check myself, though I don't recall anything scheduled until this afternoon. "Not that I know of, why?"

"That tall boy that came the other day stopped by asking to see you... he looked a bit off," she tilts her head, her hands pressed together.

Al. "Did he say what he needed?"

Corinna shakes her head. "He didn't seem to want to wait for you, so he left. Even after we offered to talk to him."

"Thank you," I nod to her before entering my office, flicking on the light.

What could Al want from me after what he did last night? Confession is the most likely, but why come to me?

...

Tobias, Shauna and Zeke are all laughing together about the 'demonstrations' the three of them performed for Peter and Drew; trying to teach them a lesson for what they did to Tris. I try to listen in, but I can't help but look towards the entrance of the dining hall and the transfer table to see if Al came in without me noticing.

They made it sound like they couldn't find him all day, nor showing up for training.

"Looking for someone?" Tobias asks when he catches me staring too long towards the entrance.

I look at him and shake my head, stabbing my fork into the chicken. "No, just getting lost in thought." There's just a gut feeling that he'd be mad if I brought up my worry for Al right now.

"You should've seen it, Mal. I thought Peter was going to soak his pants," Shauna snorts.

"Especially when the knife was a few inches away from his eye," Zeke nods, smiling just like how Uriah smiles at cake.

"I'm sorry I missed it," I grin.

"Next time, I'm sure there's a few more people that need some guidance," he reassures with a smirk.

I roll my eyes. "What would I do? Hand them a pamphlet about making friends and how to control their anger?"

They both laugh, but Tobias can tell there's something wrong with me. Maybe he can finally read my expressions.