The October Amaryllis

Chapter 32 - May 19th, 2020 - 10:45 A.M.

It wasn't knitting but rather art, which I was very fond of. I mean, I'm not going to claim that I'm some sort of Rembrandt, but I can draw pretty well when I feel like it. I draw a lot because it distracts me from my depression. Usually, I make art of people I care about, such as my cousin Grace and Madelynn. I wonder what the latter would think of my drawings of her... The greatest part of drawing, in my opinion, is being able to create something out of nothing. It was one of the few classes I genuinely enjoyed in school. I had massive attention issues for every class but art; it was the one class I could actually pay attention to; it was the missing puzzle piece to my mind.

"Good morning, group, today we're going to be delving into art!" the instructor said in an exaggerated cheery voice. I hate it when people exaggerate emotions so much for some reason, and yet I can't even explain why. I'm a hypocrite, though, because I constantly exaggerate my feelings; I often pretend to be enthused by something while actually hating it deep down. I'll admit that I'm afraid to admit that I don't like something sometimes, it's like you're expected to like certain things, and if you don't then, you get treated like an outcast. For example, people think I'm weird for not liking most sports. The only sport I actually care about is baseball; I'd gladly play for the MLB if I could. My dad took me to see a couple of Mariners' games during my life; they're my favorite team after the Red Sox and the Yankees. To be frank, they're not terribly skilled, but I still feel pride watching their games. It's like a dad watching his son perform something; he's never going to say, "Hey, kid, you suck!"

Hmm, what should I draw?

Instead of thinking about what to draw, I let my mind wander while making random lines on the paper that would hopefully turn into something else. Essentially, I was activating my fake it till you make it mentality.

As I was drawing random lines, I noticed I had drawn an oval shape representing a face. I decided at that moment that I was going to draw Malcolm's face from when he was younger. My memory was nearly photographic with that sort of stuff. I've never been one to remember names, but if you were to show me a face, I could virtually guarantee I'd recognize it ten years later. That's what I find remarkable about crows; they apparently never forget someone's face. I hate most birds, but crows are unique; they're insanely clever.

Blond hair, blue eyes, and a very goofy smile. I miss you, Malcolm; I hope you're staying safe wherever you are... Keep my seat warm for me, kiddo...

While I was drawing, I heard a strange sound in my ears that sounded like a girl humming some sort of sea shanty. I looked around to see if anybody else had noticed it before realizing that I was hallucinating it inside my head. You have no idea how realistic it was; I couldn't even tell that it wasn't actually there.

As if the humming wasn't bad enough, I saw spiders crawling under the skin of my wrist; I knew they were spiders because of their outline. Something almost tempted a crazy part of me to cut them out of my skin, but I reminded myself that it was all an illusion.

Remind me to never time travel again.

In about twenty minutes, I was finished with Malcolm and laid it out in front of me, proud of the work that I had done. My fingers were feeling twitchy from putting in so much effort, but it was well worth it. From that point on, it genuinely felt like things were getting better. Maybe this is weird, but whenever I have a positive outlook on things, colors seem to be more vibrant and look gloomy and dark when I'm down.

"That's very good!" the girl from last time said with her mouth open.

"Yeah, right..." I said, rolling my eyes.

"No, really, it's exceptional. Can I have it?" she asked, nearly pleading.

"Yeah, of course," I said, handing her the drawing.

"I'm Madelynn, by the way; thanks for the drawing."

Oh...