It felt surreal being at my father's grave again. He was recently alive; now, he was dead all over again. All that was left of him was a gray stone. I wanted to talk to him in person more than anything, and being without him broke my heart.
I brought another amaryllis with me and put it on his grave. It was a gift to him wherever he was. I hoped that he could see me from up high. I don't believe in heaven that much, but I swear at that moment, I felt his presence as if he was right there beside me. I also left the CDs Violator by Depeche Mode and Siamese Dream by The Smashing Pumpkins, two of his favorite albums. I wrapped The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath in a Ziplock bag to not be ruined by rain and left it near his grave. I hoped wherever he was, that he could receive my gifts. I don't know if they let you listen to Violator in heaven, but I frankly didn't give a crap at that moment. All I wanted was for him to have something to listen to in a different world from ours. Wherever people go after death, I hope I'll be able to see them again; otherwise, I might as well stay dead forever.
"I miss you so much, dad," I choked out, nearly crying. I knelt by the grave and read the inscription on it. Every time I read it, it hurt more and more.
A GOOD SON AND A BETTER FATHER
"I will never forget you, dad. You've taught me so much, like how to be strong and not to let people bring me down. I will never have a moment in my life where I won't miss you. Please forgive me for everything I've done. I did it all out of love, even if it doesn't seem like it."
As I knelt by the grave, I felt a familiar hand on my shoulder; it was my mother. I'm not sure how she knew I was here, but I guess mother really knows best.
"I thought that I'd see you here," she said with a small smile.
"Why do good people have to die?" I asked, wiping away my tears.
"Because if they lived forever, nobody would value them, my son."
"That is so true. I'm a little hungry. Can we get food?" I asked with my stomach growling in response.
"Of course, let's go get some."
We went to McDonald's because it was the closest thing to us. I still remember the conversation I had with my mom on the way there to this day.
"Did dad ever have cute nicknames for you?" I asked curiously.
"He did; why?" she asked with a chuckle.
"Just curious."
There was a bit of an awkward silence following that until my mother spoke.
"He used to call me Cara Mia because of my name. It means my beloved in Italian," she nearly choked out from being so emotional.
"He really loved you," I said with a small smile.
"Yes, he did..."
* * *
I ordered a Big Mac like always and sat down at a table near a window. The golden light from outside passed through the window and left thin glowing lines inside.
Yellow by Coldplay started playing as I sat there. The lyrics reminded me of my father and our memories together. It was as if the song was telling me to let go of the past and move on. It was a guardian angel letting me know that everything would be alright in the end.
As I was eating, I felt a smile overcome my face at one inevitable fact. Wherever my father was, he was no longer suffering. Wherever he was, he was free.
That was what changed everything for me.
YOU ARE READING
The October Amaryllis
Science FictionClive Andrews is a typical 16-year-old boy who never had anything out of the ordinary happen until May 16th, 2020, when he was struck by several feet of ball lightning and nearly killed. After being discharged from the hospital, he realizes that he...
