Conquering Himself

You Need Help, Kai

Kai's POV

I yanked Jay into the room. "What Jay. You have three seconds before I throw you out!" I growled. I watched as his face went from fear to pure fright.

"Um, well, um."

"Get out." I shoved him back and turned to face the wall, sitting on my bed. I waited. Nothing. He didn't walk out. He didn't move. He didn't even breathe. I huffed loudly and took a deep breath.

"Get OUT Jay!" I could feel my temper skyrocket and I clenched my fists, forcing the flames to settle down and absorb back into my skin. Listening for a second, I realized he still hadn't moved. I full on shouted. "GET OUT JAY."

I whipped my head around and glared at the blue ninja, who surprisingly looked more calm than before. "No." I leapt for him, feeling the flames lick up my arm. I grabbed his neck and pushed him up against the door, furious.

"Get out or I will throw you out," I hissed. Jay made eye contact with me. I slowly released him and took a few steps back. But, still, he did not take one step back. Instead, he took a step forward.

"Kai. Look at yourself."

"I've spent hours!" I screeched at him throat burning. I began to see red, throwing my arms toward the mirror. "Hours looking at my face in the mirror. Every time I look it gets worse. I can't do anything or these stupid thoughts and memories get stuck in my brain and the worst part is they aren't mine!" I gestured toward the one half of my face. "They are hers! And she's dead. Because of me! I am a monster." I scratched at my face. "And now I have a permanent reminder. It is one thing to have the sister of hers living on the ship, but another to have her stuck in my very being." I took a deep breath, shaking in rage. "Get out Jay, before I do something I'll regret."

There was a pause.

"Kai-"

"GET OUT!" I violently chucked a lamp at his head. "I don't want you here!" He dodged the throw, flinching as the glass hit the wall and shattered, spreading tiny glass pieces around the room. "Get out!"

"No."

"You don't understand Jay. You don't know what its like, living with the guilt. I BETRAYED YOU!" The fire on my arms turned dark and I could feel the burning spreading. I turned toward him again, creating a dark flame in my fist. "Get. Out."

"Why am I still here then? If you betrayed us, why haven't we kicked your butt on the streets? If you were truly this horrible monster you speak of, why am I still standing here?" Jay took a step forward. I paused. "Please, just take a breath Kai."

I gently exhaled, the breath coming in a sort of shuttering way from my lungs. "One more time," Jay encouraged. Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes and forced the fire to denigrate. "You are not a monster," he whispered. "You are Kai, the ninja of fire. The red ninja. You will get through this. You have too."

Everything was tingling and my ears were ringing as if I had just heard a million fireworks go off at the same time. I took another breath, trying to calm my senses and I could hear Jay sighing. "Kai, you've let this go too long. You need to get some help. You need to let us help you get through this."

"No."

"You can't do this alone."

"Nya cannot find out.

Jay looked me in the eyes, sincerity filling them. "Nya is the one who could help you the most with this."

I clenched my teeth. "Nya cannot find out about this Jay. You CANNOT tell her about these memories. Or my freak outs. It will just make her worry." My fists started shaking again, this time in worry over anger. "Promise me!"

Jay sighed. He headed around the bed, the only object that separated us. "I will promise on a few conditions."

I tilted my head in suspiciousness. "And what are those conditions? I am not going to go to some stupid therapist. They are all talk and no action."

"They don't work for everyone," Jay chuckled wryly. "No Kai. My conditions are that first, you need to start being present at all the meals. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This may seem pointless to you, but the rest of us are having a hard time going back into the normal routine when you aren't there." He folded his hands and looked at me.

I debated, but knowing that he would for sure tell Nya if I didn't agree, I promised him I would be present.

"The next thing is that you NEED to be nicer to Dom. She is going to be staying with us for a while and it would be especially awkward if you keep treating her the way you are now. Lloyd may let that go now, but I guarantee in a few days you and him would be at each others throats. He has taken quite a liking to her. Disrespect won't pass by him."

This one I debated a little more. "What if she talks to me? What if," I hesitated. "What if I get one of those memory things?"

Jay shrugged. "If you need to get out of the room, you can use an excuse. 'I don't feel good' or 'someone called my name.' From what I can tell, the memories aren't all the time. It's really the way you know random facts about her that throw you both off." He ran his hand through his hair.

I took a moment to think about this. "Okay. But she better not get in my way on purpose!"

Jay slowly nodded through this. "I'm sure we can have her agree to that."

"Is that everything?"

Jay nodded. "For now."

He stepped forward and hugged me. I froze, not sure what to do. Sure, Jay was my bud. But hugging?

At the same time, this was the first physical contact I had go in a while. So I let it be.

I didn't hug back though.

RED NINJA OUT

hey guys! It go so serious!!! Oooooooh