Loves Me Not

TWELVE

BEFORE
CATALAINA KITTRIDGE

The months went by fast, and before I knew it, summer was over and fall had arrived. I was now starting my fourth and final year of university. I had been dating Colin for a few months and things were good between us. I tried to go home and visit my parents and Holden every once and a while. Holden was working at a law firm and was doing well for himself. My parents were talking about going on a cruise in January.

The last time I had seen Will was in August. I was at home for the summer, and he had chosen to stay in New Haven, opting not to go back to New York while school was on break.

Will and my brother had gotten together with some of their friends from NYU one weekend. I remember how ecstatic I was to come home and see Will there. It was like all of those months that we didn't see each other faded away and we were right back to where we left off. We spent the weekend hanging out and catching up, just like old times. We went for long drives and explored unknown territory. We sat in old diners and drank milkshakes. I realized then how much I had missed him.

However, my reunion with Will was temporary, only lasting the weekend. Because after that, he went back to New Haven. I didn't see him again until mid-October.

We were both busy with school, I guess. I had heavier course loads due to the fact that it was my final year, but that didn't stop me from trying to maintain our friendship. Will, on the other hand, was back to getting swept away with school and work. It was like he forgot about me completely, and that really hurt. He was the one person I was closest to, and we were drifting farther apart as the days went on. Yes, I had Colin, but my relationship with Colin wasn't comparable to my friendship with Will. Everything was still new with Colin. We were in the honeymoon stage where neither of us could do any wrong. And while I truly did have strong feelings for Colin, there were just some things I couldn't share with him that I'd share with Will. Certain things I felt I couldn't talk about or reminisce with him about.

The weekend in mid-October arrived when I decided to drive down to New Haven and surprise Will. Colin was going home that weekend to visit his family anyways, so I really had nothing holding me back.

I showed up Friday evening just after dinner. And let me tell you – Will was not happy about my surprise arrival, to say the least. He gave me hell, telling me I should have called or texted him, giving him a heads up. "Some notice would have been nice," he said to me. That stung. Here I was, thinking it would be a kind gesture to surprise him, and he couldn't even smile at me for being there.

Nonetheless, he let me inside where he was scrambling around, trying to tidy up the place, even though it was basically spotless. He offered me tea. We sat down and talked for a bit. I tried to shake the hurt I felt upon arrival, but I couldn't. Even he was acting different. As though he was in a weird mood, still bothered by me coming there.

So there we sat, just the two of us alone in his kitchen, a thousand things racing through both of our minds, but not one of us said a word.

Later that evening, we both came to the same conclusion that we needed a drink. We drove out to the nearest liquor store and picked up some bottles. When we got back, a few of his roommates and friends were setting up a table in the living room. They were going out to the bar that night and told us to join them for a few drinks. We did.

The more alcohol I consumed, the more I loosened up. And I could sense the same from Will. Whatever tensions were present earlier had suddenly vanished and we were quickly reverting to old ways; pouring shots for each other, telling stories, talking in sync as we always did.