Loves Me Not

TWENTY EIGHT

BEFORE
CATALAINA KITTRIDGE

The year was coming to an end. I had met Ben in July and it was now Christmas time. The last time I had spoken to Will was in late September. Our friendship, I believed, was on the brink of extinction. However, all of that was about to change.

My family hosted Christmas dinner at their house in Bridgeport every year. It was tradition. I had somehow forgotten that it was also tradition for Will to join us since he had basically become a part of our family over the years.

I sat in my bedroom that evening before we left the house, staring at myself in the vanity mirror. Ben was trying on ties to match his shirt. I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. This could go one of two ways. And I had a feeling that it was going to go horribly wrong. Me, Ben, Will, and Juliette all in the same house for a night? Sitting at the same dinner table? Dear God.

I had only been acquainted with Juliette a small handful of times since Will started dating her. The first was at my graduation. Then there was Will's graduation. And then I saw her on the odd occasion that I went to visit Will. As far as I knew, she was a pleasant, intelligent girl. Didn't stop me from hating her though. I despised her. With every bone in my body, every fiber of my being. I hated her so much. After all, she had everything I wanted, everything I needed. And that ring on her finger was just a reminder of that.

"You okay?" Ben asked, walking over and placing his hands on my shoulders.
I looked up at his reflection in the mirror. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"Nervous?"
"No," I shook him off and stood. "I'm perfect. Let's do this."

We got to my parent's house around four o'clock. Holden had just arrived with his girlfriend, Melody. My mom and grandmother were racing around the kitchen, checking the turkey, mashing potatoes. My dad and grandfather were setting the table, talking as they poured themselves another glass of wine.

Ben and I had only been there for twenty minutes when the doorbell rang, and I knew for certain who it would be.

My mother answered the door and beamed as Will and Juliette stepped in. My parents had met Juliette previously and loved her. They treated Will like a son and were so excited for him, as well as for the upcoming wedding.

Sometimes I wondered if anyone in the Kittridge family ever suspected what was happening between me and Will over the years. I mean, you'd kind of have to be an idiot not to. But then again, we were best friends. There was nothing conspicuous about that. Neither one of us had ever stated our feelings or made anything obvious, so how was anyone else supposed to put together the pieces?

It was then that the thought crossed my mind of how crazy all of this was. I wondered how it was possible for two people to be as close as him and I were with so much unspoken feelings running between us. I could only assume that he felt a certain way and kept that to himself. I was certain about how I felt, but I had never once voiced this aloud. How was I supposed to know what was going on in his brain or understand what he was feeling if he never told me? But I guess I could ask myself the same question. For all I knew, he could have been wondering the same thing.

Dinner ended up being quite the success. We sat down at the table together, the ten of us. My grandmother said grace, we all said amen, then we clinked our glasses and began the feast.

Holden was talking about the shed he was building in the backyard. My dad offered a hand if he ever needed it. Melody told us that she was trying to persuade Holden into adopting a cat. My brother expressed his disdain for them, but said he'd think about it. This seemed to make Melody happy.