Loves Me Not

SEVENTY

BEFORE
CATALAINA KITTRIDGE

Sunday seemed to pass eternally slow.

Ben and I went out for brunch that morning and I did my best to smile and be grateful for the acts of kindness he was providing. If he had taken me out any other day that week preceding Sunday, it would have been difficult for me. But I knew what awaited me later that night and I felt joyous. Therefore, it wasn't difficult to smile and be happy. I was radiant.

Ben noticed my sudden change in mood and told me he was glad that I was happy. He must have thought that everything was fine between us again, and that whatever mood I was in before had been completely eradicated. Little did he know that everything was about to change for us. But I wouldn't jump the gun. Not yet, anyways.

I tried to occupy myself all day with small tasks. Doing laundry, vacuuming the bedroom, cleaning the bathroom, re-organizing the kitchen cabinets. It seemed to pass the time fairly decently. I spent the rest of the day reading a novel and then preparing dinner.

Once seven-thirty finally arrived, I casually mentioned to Ben that I was going to drive down to the waterfront for a jog. I could have said I was going to the mall, or to the bookstore, but he might have asked to accompany me. I knew he'd respect the solo jog excuse and I'd be in the clear.

I put on my running shoes and tied my hair back into a ponytail, then gave Ben a kiss on the cheek and headed out of the house.

I've learned many things over the years, but the most prominent is this: no matter where I go, no matter what happens to me, I will always find my way back to Will. The magnitude of his existence is tantalizing, and I can't resist his gravitational pull. There's something out there in the universe that always brings me back to him, regardless of who I'm with. And throughout the years, throughout our off-and-on times, we are always drawn to each other. The two of us reuniting is a guarantee. Just as the sun will rise each morning, I will always go back to him.

I arrived in Milford at 7:50 p.m. I parked behind the old shopping center and waited. Minutes later, I saw his car pull in. Once he was parked, I got out of mine, walked over to his, and got into the passenger seat next to him.

I turned to face him. "Hi."
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. You?"
"Fine."
It was quiet for a minute, as though neither one of us knew what to say.
"Was this a mistake?" he asked suddenly, turning to me. "Coming here."
"Why would you say that?"
"I don't know," he faced forwards, running his hands through his hair. "I just don't know what to do, Catalaina. I'm just as lost and confused as you."
I bit my lip and stared at him. "What do you want to do?"
He turned to me again. "I'd like to do a lot of things."
"Such as...?"
"Kiss you, for starters."
My heart leapt. I swallowed. "What else?"
He sighed. "Leave Juliette. Run away with you. Things could be so different with us. We could start over."
I felt a happiness bubble inside of me that I didn't think what possible. "Why are you saying these things to me?" I asked. "What made you change your mind?"
"I've always thought about it, always wanted it, I just didn't think it could be possible. Especially after the wedding. And then a few months later I heard about Ben proposing... I never thought it was anything serious between the two of you. I thought you were just with him temporarily. But then you got engaged. And it hurt me a lot more than it should have. I figured we were both moving on with our lives, going our separate ways. There was nothing I could do to change your mind."
"You were wrong," I said to him. "You had it completely wrong. I never wanted to be with Ben in the way that I wanted to be with you. This entire time, you and I... we could have..." I paused. "You should have reached out to me. You should have said something."
It was quiet again for a moment. Then he said, "You're right. But we can't go back in time and change things. All we can do is live with the cards that we've been dealt. And right now, that puts the two of us here together in this car."
"So what do we do now?" I asked, looking into his eyes as though they held the answer.
"I don't know. The only thing we really can do," he said. And then he kissed me.

It was magical.