The Chameleon [Avengers Fanfiction]

Chapter 32

Alright so just a little warning,
TW: Suicide

The next few days passed in a blur, and I walked around in a daze. Everyone kept asking me if I needed anything or if I was ok. Fine. That would be my answer every time. I said it so many times I had almost convinced myself that I was fine. But I wasn't.

"Mia?" That snapped me out of my daze.

"Yep?" Tony was staring at me, his eyes almost boring into my soul.

"We were just talking about the base." I clenched my jaw. Not this again. I could only take so much per week.

"And?" I asked.

"Well the trackers worked, thanks for that, and we know where several other bases are. It seems that there are still some people at the old one, but it might just be trying to collect data." His voice trialed off as I zoned out. I really did not want to go back there. Then something snapped. I sucked in a harsh breath. It sounded just like that day. The scenes came back in waves and I couldn't stop them. The stick snapping beneath my foot, Nat and Ma taking down the guards, everything led to the rocket. The rocket that took yet another person who cared about me away. I couldn't breathe. They were suffocating me. I tried to fight it. I clutched my head, and somehow pulled myself out of it. Breathing heavily. I saw that Bucky had accidentally snapped his pencil. I tried to calm my breathing.

"Mia? Are you okay?" I could hear Nat whisper.

"Yeah I'm fine. I just need some air." I got up from my seat and I could feel everyone's eyes in me. But I didn't care. I just needed to get out. I slid down the wall outside the room.

"I'm worried about her." I heard Steve say. Shoot. I didn't want them to worry about me. I took deep breaths to try and calm myself down. I couldn't take too long otherwise they would come out and find me, but I needed to look like I wasn't just having a mental breakdown. After a few minutes I got up on wobbly legs and headed straight for my room, head down. I was almost there when I jumped into someone.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Mia what's wrong?" Great. The one person who I least wanted to see.

"Nothing Peter I'm just not feeling good."

"Mia." I shook my head. He sighed. "Fine. Can I get you anything?"

"No I'm fine." There was that word again.

"Are you-" I walked away before he could say more. I rushed to my room, not being able to get there before tears streamed down my face. I opened my door and closed it, making a huge slam. I slid down to the floor once again, and sat there, sobbing. I kept myself quiet, I didn't want anyone to know.

I was falling. Falling, falling, falling. Down into the dark deep nothingness. I landed with a thud, and a scenes were laid out in front of me. My first kill. Training. Dobie and Shoe. Ma. All of it. All the wrong I had done, and everything that was wrong with me. It's all your fault. Everything is. She's dead because of you. The dead, burned bodies of Ma, Doberman and Horseshoe ran toward me, wanting to get revenge.

I snapped awake, still on the floor. I cried more if that was even possible. She was right. It was my fault. She was dead because of me. Her last words were only whispers in my mind, because she was wrong. I could have saved her. I slowly pulled myself up and staggered to the bathroom. My eyes were red and puffy, and my eye had turned a deep blue, but with every other colour. Every colour, except gold. Happiness. It was 3 am, no one would be awake. Making it safe for me to go to my floor, to be alone. I slowly made my way up, and sat, looking out at the buildings. I got up, and stood in front of the window. A metre from the edge. I looked down to the gray concrete below. Everything would be so much better if I just fell. I wouldn't be a burden, they wouldn't have to deal with me, the voices in my head would shut up for good. I took a step closer to the window. No one would know. They wouldn't miss me. I closed my eyes as my face pressed up against the glass. I wanted so badly to break it, get it out of my way. So I did. I shattered the glass, a price cutting me along where the thorn had. Everything came rushing back again. I collapsed, clutching my head, as the memories overtook me.

After a few minutes they left, leaving me sobbing and curled up on the ground. I screamed. All the anger and hate and sadness channeling into the air. I stood up again. Maybe I would finally do it. Shut up the voices. My toes were in the edge as I took a deep breath. This was for the best. I didn't want to be a burden anymore. And I closed my eyes, ready to fall.

A force slammed into me, knocking me back onto the ground. I opened my eyes, to the person who knocked me away from the edge. Peter. I started to fight him.

"No! Let me go!" I fought but he held me down. I was crying, tears streaming down my face as I tried to get out of his grip. But he held onto me, my tears soaking his suit.

"Shh. It's ok. Calm down." He whispered into my ears. But it wasn't okay. It wasn't fine.
I wasn't fine. He held me close, for a long time, before he carried me downstairs, and I fell asleep in my bed once more.