Lookism Gun x Reader: How The Mighty Fall In Love

Opening Up

He was silent for a moment. He glanced at me then looked away, fiddling with the butter knife in his hands.

"It was my comfort food. I didn't cook much, only the basics to keep me alive. I always saw people drinking hot chocolate and sweets when I would be walking outside in the streets and felt a bit jealous. Those were things I wasn't allowed to have. Whenever...HE left the house, I would always try to make something different. I would always use very little because I didn't want him to notice I was using his stuff. Of course, he always did and I would get a beating, but at that time, I was sure there was nothing that tasted better than the hot chocolate I made."

I was shocked by how honest and open he was being.

'HE' was probably Tom Lee.

Poor kid.

I feel like I owe him a secret too. It must have been hard for him to tell me this.

I grabbed some plates and put them next to him, busying myself with washing the dirty dishes.

"I get it. I'm not saying I know exactly how you feel... it's just..." I took a deep breath and forced myself to smile. "This hot chocolate, I came up with it as my comfort food too. I made it while..." I cleared my throat and forced myself to go on. "I came up with it while I was living on the streets. I would steal the ingredients because it was just easier to snatch then a whole packet of the chocolate. There were fewer packs of the instant hot chocolate and there were a lot more of the ingredients on the shelf, it was harder to notice that I had taken one over the other. I know how ridiculous that sounds but...you know?"

He was quiet for a moment then looked at me.

"You lived on the streets?"

"For a while, yes."

"Were you scared?"

"...Yeah, I was alone and I didn't know when my next meal was going to be."

"Were there creeps? Like, weird men that tried to take advantage of you?" He asked curiously.

I stared at the spoon and sponge in my hands.

I suddenly remembered the one of the many men that tried to take advantage of me, but I had had enough. I remember the blood and his screams as I gouged out his eyes with a metal spoon I found.

I had enjoyed it.

I winced slightly at the memory, a slight full body tick making me look away, but I quickly tried to act like nothing happened.

"Yeah....but I was use to it by then." I smiled, washing off the suds.

"You were...use to it?.....You had been....you been through it before?" He asked.

"Uhhh, hehehe." I smiled uncomfortably.

"Nevermind, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ask-"

"No, it's fine. After...after my brother, uh, died, there was no one to protect me. A lot of things happened that don't matter anymore."

".... YN, if you were hurt back then, of course it still matters!"

"No, no it doesn't. That was then, this is now. It doesn't even bother me anymore."

"YN." Gun sternly yet gently made me look at him. "It matters. I know what it's like to be hurt like that, I know what it's like to have to live with it. I know all you want to do is forget it and just pretend it never happened, to act like you're fine. YN, that will never be okay. That is not something that gets better over time if you hold it in. It doesn't really get better, even with help, but you learn how to manage it a little better. You need to talk about it with someone, a therapist or-"

I jumped back.

"Absolutely not."