Friday, 12 February 2021
I cut my hair, and my heart broke.
Not because of the hair itself, but because of what it meant to do it.
When I was younger my sisters didn't like my hair long. When it was short I looked like one of them. It made them happy and back then that's all I wanted.
When they stopped being in my life, I stopped cutting my hair. I didn't wanna look like one of them, I didn't need the reminder that they were not there for me anymore.
Alone is all I saw every time I looked in the mirror.
I killed my hair by dyeing it a million colors, so when I was 16 I had to chop it.
I told myself that it was just hair, it didn't mean anything. It didn't mean bad thing would happen:
It was around that time met my abusive ex-boyfriend. He loved my hair, he said I looked like a baby that he needed to protect. Childish and breakable is all I heard though.
I barely cut my hair ever since to the point it reached my waist. It felt like a shield around my body. It made me feel concealed my body from others' eyes. Protected from the shame I sometimes felt about my weight.
But once again, it was completely unhealthy, slit ends and weak strands.
My best friend cut it yesterday. I cried the whole time.
The feeling that now something bad will happen is overpowering my heart.
I am unprotected and exposed.
I can see my body clearly.
Im afraid I look like a child.
I look like one of them.
I thought after I did it I would get that those were all coincidences.
But it just feels like my body is fighting itself.
It's just hair.
Just hair.
And I know it is. And that my feelings will ease down when sink in the fact that nothing's changed.
I'm not my sisters twin again nor am I my boyfriends little girl.
Yes, I may have body image problems but that's also nothing new. It's just visible now.
And at the end of the day it's hair.
It will grow, the same way I did.
YOU ARE READING
Head High
Non-FictionI am eighteen now, and still scared. I haven't always been a scared person, life somehow made me that way at some point. Over the summer I learnt to fight back. I am still scared, but you don't know. Because I have my head held high. And mark my wor...
