Bitter taste.

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Thursday, 8 October 2020

You don't have it it's because you lost it.
You fucked up.
Your fault.
Your mistake.
You.

I try so hard. To be a good person, a good friend, a good daughter, a good student.
To be honest I try to be perfect, which is stupid since sometimes I can't even be average.

It's absurd how much I hurt my own feelings everytime I mess up.

I hate making mistakes. It makes me feel worthless, a burden, guilty.

I can feel the bitter taste of the error at the tip of my tongue.
The tears and panic attacks just wanna slip through, but no.

I'm an adult, I won't do any of that. It won't help.

I can't find a solution this time either, I tried.

All I can do is just sit still so I don't fuck up anything else, and deal with the consequences of my actions.

I know he's disappointed in me, but no more disappointed than I am.

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