Friday, 11 December 2020
When I was a child, each class had a soccer team.
Somewhen during spring, all teams got together to play against one another. The team that won most of the games would get the a big trophy and a medal.
My class won every year.
Every year we would bring a trophy to the classroom and put it next to the others and the teachers and parents would congratulate us.
Even though I couldn't play to save my life I was still part of the class, the team. I would feel like a winner.
Until one year, we lost.
Almost every kid went on a tantrum. We cried so much.
I personally felt like a failure, a loser after so many wins.
The teachers got so mad at us after the scene we pulled.
Called us sore losers, and maybe we were.
One could say I grew up to be a sore loser, perhaps I did.
The fact is that I'm terrified of making mere errors.
It sounds as if I'm a simple perfectionist and it truly has nothing to do with that.
I don't wanna be perfect, I just can't make mistakes.
I don't have a logical reason, I'm sorry.
I simply can't.
Every mistake I make pains me in a way that I can't even try to explain and can't control, as much as I wish I could.
My heart rips apart every single time and it has only worsen with the years.
Sometimes, when I'm in desperate need of some kind of comfort, I want to talk about it to someone but how could I when I don't even comprehend the debt of it all.
It's just a hurricane of emotions. I just feel.
Worry. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Pain. Shame. Guilt. Everything.
It's unbearable, and it has been ever since I was a little girl.
And just like back then...
It doesn't matter how many times I succeed, all it takes is one failure to make me feel like I'm nothing.
YOU ARE READING
Head High
Non-FictionI am eighteen now, and still scared. I haven't always been a scared person, life somehow made me that way at some point. Over the summer I learnt to fight back. I am still scared, but you don't know. Because I have my head held high. And mark my wor...
