The Closet Librarian's Bookshelf.

Finding My Neverland

1. Gwendoline

"What did you just say?" I stared at my grandmother, in shock.
"You are going back to school" she repeated with a soft smile.
"But... who will look after you, the house, everything?" I ask, my mind filling with questions and concerns, though my heart was racing with excitement, was it possible, I could go back.

"This house is a tie that I no longer want, I have spoken to Mike and Jonathan and they agree with me. I am going to sell the house and invest some in a smaller two bedroom apartment for myself, in the building the boys live in, I will also pay off their apartment, call it an advance on their inheritance, when I go, you will own my apartment"

"Nana, Please don't talk like that, you are well now, the doctors are pleased with you, you don't have to do this" I slip into the seat at her side and take her hand in mine, hating any talk of being without her.

"Sweetie, I held onto this house, to keep you children safe and together with me after your parents... went, but now its time to let it go, With your brothers gone, this place is too big for the two of us and I am very aware of how much you have given up to be at my side after your grandpa left us. Its time for a new adventure" she squeezed my hand, and I found some faith in the strength in her touch.

"Its not been a chore Nana, I love being with you" I argue, adding "And I don't need an adventure"
"You have such a giving heart, but its time for you to follow your own path, go after what your heart wants for you." she soothes, but it just makes me feel anxious, what would I do, I was too old now to go back to Uni, surely. I shivered nervous just from my thoughts, jumping in my seat as I heard the front door open.

"That will be the boys" Nana tells me getting up and I groan, knowing if they had all been talking and had decided I would have no choice but to agree.

Mike and Jonathan hugged Nana before turning to me, each of them towering over my short height, pulling me between them and dropping a kiss to the top of my head like a child.
I loved my brothers but sometimes I wished they wouldn't treat me as if I was delicate, there was five years between us but they had always been over protective of me, making sure nothing bothered me, or was too much of a challenge. Both were successful, but I wished they would find wives and have children to direct that protection towards.

That day I was right, both my brothers were adamant this was the right way forward, and I knew they were right, it would be easier for Nana, it would be better for me, but I was scared, I had got used to my quiet life with Nana and this house had been our home for so long, I had so many memories here, I wanted to cling onto them.

But the ball was rolling, it was made real when the 'For Sale' went up outside and Nana started to go through the house, marking what she wanted to keep, making sure my voice was heard as well. Mike had organised for someone to come in and clear the rest and as the rooms gradually started to empty, we cleaned till the wood shone and the floors gleamed.

It was bittersweet when the house finally sold, luckily to a family that would be able to grow and fill the house with their own memories, rather than one of the developers who had shown an interest in the plot but not the house.

Jon had gone through University options with me and we had found a smaller university that offered a creative writing course that caught my attention. They also specialised in supporting mature students, which also relieved my concern about being too old. The only downside was it was further away than I would have liked so I would have to find somewhere to live. We tried to find the same course closer but it wasn't available and none of the alternatives interested me. I had suggested leaving it a year but the response to that had been a resounding no.

Nana had eventually urged me to sign up and I did, my welcome documents offering me a space in a the dorms. And agreeing that would be best, it was signed and sealed and I was on a countdown to both moving into a new apartment with Nana and then a week later moving to University.

I would miss them all but Jon and Mike had brought me a new phone on their call plan so I could contact home or them at anytime. And had promised they would be coming up to visit regularly during term times with Nana.