hikari means light

17

TW
- FORCEFUL VOMMITING
- THOUGHTS OF SELF HARM
- SELF DOUBT
- USE OF SLURS
- SWEARING

I lock the bathroom stall and lean over the toilet bowl already gagging and heaving absolutely nothing. Nothings coming out its disgusting just sitting here. I put my finger in my mouth pushing it far back into my throat making myself violently gag before actually throwing up something. I haven't done that in a while but I remember the disgusting feel of it. After I'm done I spit and the lean on the wall next to me breathing heavily.

Doesnt it feel better not to have anything in your stomach?

I guess

Dont you feel better now?

I do

You're still disgusting, fat Waste of space you always were, only now you aren't as weak.

I know I'm sorry

Dont fucking apologise you pussy, man up. No girl wants an ugly, pathetic faggot

(Im so sorry but I had to include this ill go into an explanation at the end)

...

You don't deserve the right to speak

You don't deserve the right to breathe

You don't deserve the right to be happy

You don't deserve the right to eat

You don't deserve any time or effort

I hurt you

Because you deserve it

"Shutup shutup shutup shutup shutup shutup shutup shutup" I mutter to myself shaking the quotes from my father out of my head. Some... other voices and thoughts come into my mind but I'll address them at a later time.

I sit there for a little longer, slowing my tears and clearing my mind of all those cruel and negative thoughts. The entrance door opens and I hear a soft knock on my stall.

"Problen child are you in there? You've been here for a while we were going to go home and got worried because of how long you were taking"

1

"I-Im alright I'll b-be out in a minute..." I reply stupidly stuttering.

3

"Alright ill wait here for you" he replys. I hear a creak of the wall assuming aizawa is leaning against it.

I get up, dusting myself off and wiping my eyes gently not to make my face red again then flush the disgusting smeeling and looking stuff down the toilet.

I take a deep breath and unlock the stall door and walk past aizawa towards the sinks washing my hands with my head down.

Aizawa eyes me then motions for me to follow him out of the bathroom.

He noticed. No he can't have im handling it fine he wouldn't have noticed.

4

We walk over to toshi and yamada standing outside the bathroom block with the stuff ready to go.

"Zuku you okay?" Toshi asks looking at me worriedly. I look down and utter a small 'im fine' before looking back up for a split second, then looking back down, seeing an unconvinced toshi and two very concerned pro heros.

16

I take a breath, and look back up at them with a straight face.

"Im alright" I say louder then before. They nod and tell me we're leaving so we all walk out to the car together. Yamada and aizawa put everything in the boot of the car while me a toshi take our spots in the back seats.