hikari means light

43

TRIGGER WARNING
-self harm
-suicide
-disordered eating
-hospitals
-swearing
-eating disorders
-feeding tubes

IZUKU POV

You know, this fucking sucks.
i hate hospitals. and i also failed to kill myself AGAIN.
its like a world record at this point.
to be fair though, i wasnt trying to kill myself this time, i was just making the voices stop. the voices are usually right, so i listen to them. but now i know they're shigarakis fault.

and shigarakis never fucking right.

I used to hear voices all the time, and i still did after he 'helped me'. He just got rid of the mean voices that wanted me to hurt myself. I dont know how, it might have been someones quirk or something. Or a serum he deactivated recently.

Who knows with that crazy bitch.

So im now sitting in a hospital bed, ignoring the people around me that are trying to talk to me. I keep forgetting to listen to what they're saying, so i untimately have no idea what they're talking about.

My face is still sticky from tears from earliers meltdown about being in a hospital and my throat is sore from screaming and crying.

Kachann looks like hes yelling, but he kind of always is so i dont really care. Roki looks slightly worried, slightly relieved, and slightly confused. Hitoshi a little bit looks like hes going to kill kachann for yelling, and also very worried for me - yet glad im not having a meltdown at this current time.

Aizawa is not okay. Hes like ascending into heaven i swear hes so fucking old i have no idea how he even still stands up i mean what the hell.

Mans needs to go into a retirement home.

Yamada just seems happy im not screeching and crying and trying to cause myself harm for once in my life.

"brat are you listening to any of this? what are you doing" i (for once) hear aizawa speak.

No, infact i was not. i was currently having a mini concert in my head to keep some sort of sanity and act socially acceptable for the time being.

Current song: Toxic - By BoyWithUke

I dont know how he expects me to answer since i kind of broke my vocal cords for the time being. Honestly, i dont think they're THAT badly damaged. i could most likely speak alright, itd just hurt a little - yet i will choose not to because im a difficult little fucking prick who should be dead.

Maybe theyre finally kick me out or kill me themselves.

I blink slowly and lay back in the bed, looking at the ceiling.

"is he still loopy from the medication?" roki asks, still mildly confused.

"he shouldnt be. the strong medication should have worn off by now and his injuries have had long enough to heal that they shouldnt constantly be causing him serious pain" aizawa explains, being one of the only people who actively listened to and understood the doctor speak.

He was right. I wasnt loopy from the medication. My arms still hurt though, but I've experienced way worse. Im perfectly fine.

They finally let me take off the oxygen mask, i still had the stupid needles and stuff in my arm though.

I hear a voice of someone i barely recognise and sit up and open my eyes.

"ah izuku i heard you were awake. are you feeling better now?" he asks sweetly.

He must be my doctor. I recognise him. Ive seen him while walking down the street before, he was buying groceries and dropped them because the bag broke and had to go ask for another.