hikari means light

30

TW
- SUICIDE THEMES
-  SWEARING
- SELF HARM ACTIONS/TOOLS
- STURGGLING WITH FOOD/CALORIE RESTRICTING
- MENTIONS OF THERAPY

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IZUKU POV

If someone asked me how I was right now, or what I was doing, I'd say hurting. I'd actually probably say nothing but you know I'm hurting. I swear I'm just slowly killing myself in general. A normal person would hear that and try to be better, but why should I be better? I don't care enough to be alive, I don't care enough about anything really.

-

It had be just over two hours after aizawa had come to see izuku, who was 'sleeping' away his pain and problems. This time it was hitoshi coming into the greenettes room. Aizawa had finished making katsudon and was currently setting the table with yamada. Placing shining black plates infront of four chairs along with cutlery and glasses for drinks. While both adults set the table, hitoshi made his way up to his adopted brothers room for him to eat. None of the three were very confident izuku was actually going to eat, heck not even izuku himself was confident that he was going to eat. It depended on wether he could keep it down or not.

Hitoshi made his way towards izukus  room and knocked on the door, not receiving an answer much like aizawa a couple hours ago. He slowly opened the door and stepped in, seeing izuku laying on his bed curled up slightly, seemingly asleep. Now, izuku still hadn't slept the whole time he's been in his room. He's just been laying, thinking, making up random scenarios in his mind to keep himself somewhat entertained in his dull depressing life he's being forced to live.

"Hey, zuku" hitoshi said softly. Loud enough to hopefully catch the attention of the greenette but not to scare him. Hitoshi would try to be as careful as possible to make sure he doesn't trigger the poor boy again like it had already happened many times. Izuku didn't move at the sound of hitoshis voice, so he decided to move closer to the 'sleeping' boy and try again.

"Hey zuku, cmon dad finished dinner. Can you get up please?" Hitoshi lightly tapped izuku. Izuku probably would've freaked out and had hitoshi on the floor by now, but he knew it was only his adopted older brother toshi and that he wasn't in any danger. Slowly izuku looked up to hitoshi with half lidded eyes, meeting hitoshis gaze.

"Dinners ready. Dad made katsudon, cmon" hitoshi softly smiled as izuku sat up and got off the bed.

-

I sat down at the table infront of the bowl of food aizawa had made for me. Everyone started to eat as I slowly took small bites, trying to shove the nauseous feeling in my throat down. You ever feel sick in your throat? Like how you would in your stomach when you feel extremely full it doesn't feel good anymore, well imagine that but in your throat and you haven't eaten anything yet. Imagine that while your stomach is saying 'im hungry eat'. I almost gag everytime I put food in my mouth. Don't get me wrong it tastes amazing but just the fact that it's food makes me feel sick. I haven't eaten in a while, which I think they've started to notice. I ran away before dinner last night, and none of us ate lunch because we were doing the... interesting training session in the gym. As well as the fact that I skipped breakfast when I made them panic about the time. My body was telling me to eat. It was hungry and needed food but it was also telling me not too, making me almost gag at the feeling of chewing and swallowing.

"Izuku we wanted to talk to you about something-" aizawa started but I cut him off.

"If its about earlier, don't bother. I won't answer questions and I won't take any of what you say. I wasn't actually asleep" I say while looking down playing with the food in my bowl.

I could practically feel their shocked gazes piercing through my soul. It was really weird. I'd probably enjoy it but I'm not in the mood to toy with them. Maybe tomorrow when I'm forced back into the hell hole they call school. I fucking hate school. Its not even that I'm bad at it, my grades would be amazing. I just genuinely hate it and really don't want to be there. Also people? Disgusting. Genuinely hate them aswell. That round faced girl kept looking at me all day and it was really annoying I mean- everyone was looking at me. Im the infamous vigilante hikari that has defeated multiple pro heros and killed people aswell. But her look, it was different. Not in admiration or fear. Nor was it in curiosity, but a weird ass stalked way and I'm fucking creeped out snd if she comes near me I'll break her hands.