hikari means light

29

TW
- SWEARING
- SELF HARM
- MENTIONS OF YELLING

IZUKU POV

I feel like I've been in my room for hours, isolated and alone. I check my phone which has been charging because it was left here when I ran away and had died.

Jealousy jealousy yea- pft- I'm funny sometimes I make myself laugh.

Anyways

The phone was on 100% and it was in fact hours later. What had I been doing for 5-6 hours... I can't remember. I think ill be going back to school tomorrow. The dumb wannabe hero students probably think I killed their teacher or something. Im going to get attacked when we walk into the classroom. Yay. Eh its fine im sure kachann, todoroki and toshi won't let them kill me. Much to my objection.

Im so over this life already. It's so much more tiring rather then just doing what I want. I don't even have help with the thoughts or anything. They don't know how to help.... they wouldn't understand. I'd tell them and all they would do is tell me they're there for me but they don't know how to help. They can't help. I'll be fine though. I'm laying on my bed, curled up in a ball on my side, looking towards the door. What am I doing with my life? I don't even want this life what the hell am I going to do with it?

-

Izuku stares at the wall aimlessly, exhausted and hopeless. He wasnt the slightest bit hopeful that things would get better. He was so tired of the same feeling every day. His eyes started to well up with tears and his vision went blurry. Hot tears began streaming down his face slowly. He squeezed his eyes shut and shoved his face in his hands, hoping that everything would just disappear. He started to whine slightly and sob quietly into his hands.

This continued for an hour or so. Izuku just crying over everything he was forced to feel in his miserable life. He never understood why him. Sure there was no reason he believed he really deserved to be happy but did he really deserve all the pain and suffering he goes through? He didn't know the answer. No matter how many times he's gone over what trauamatic things have happend in his life he's never been able to forget or forgive or... let go.

"Why cant I just fucking get over it" he cries to himself, letting out another choked sob.

"Why cant it just end" He repeats and repeats over and over to himself, whispering and crying quietly. He looked over to his right and had an idea. A very bad idea. He contemplated for a minute, trying to decide whether he actually had the energy to do this. In the end he decided he did and went along with it. He got up and when over to his bookshelf desk type structure and opened a small purple glass box. The box had a thin fabric wire butterfly on the top of it with silver trimming and decoration on it. He opened it and inside revealed his small scalpel knife, razor blades and some paper towel. Izuku had found a razor two days ago in the bottom cabinet of his bathroom and broken the plastic part to retrieve the blades. He had succeeded.

Im sure everyone knows how this goes...

There was blood dripping down his thighs, shins, ankles and fore arm. It covered multiple of his fingers and the blade he was using was shiny and red. He looked and his blood stained skin on his hands and licked his fingers. It was a cold and metallic taste he knew all too well. He wiped the dripping blood and left it to bleed as he pulled his pants back up and his sleeves down, still crying.

He eventually runs out of tears, only left with occasional sobs, sore eyes and a sticky face. He's left with the numb feeling of hopelessness.
If he wasnt tried before, he most certainly was now. Izuku decided that he wanted to listen to music. He reached over to his desk where his phone and earphones were and opened Spotify. This time he plugged his earphones in and clicked play on a different playlist. 'Idk' was the name. The first song that played was 'I wanna slam my head against the wall' by glaive. There was something comforting about upbeat songs that had dark lyrics to them.

He rested comfortably, now once again laying on his bed with his eyes closed, and unfocused his mind. He usually did this when he was tired and didn't want to or couldn't sleep. In this case it was that he didn't want to.
Izuku really couldn't take anymore nightmares. So he opted for laying comfortably in his bed, with his quite dark depressing music that somehow sounds upbeat, trapped in his blank completely empty mind. Basically he was half asleep but instead of bearly being able to comprehend things he was fully aware and just didn't want to.

Some time later there was a knock on izukus door, he ignored it. There was another knock a few seconds later and again, izuku had ignored it. The door handle jiggled before the sigh was heard. Footsteps began until they got quieter and couldn't be heard, seemingly walking away from the door. Moments later there were more footsteps, this time coming closer to the door until they stopped. There was another jiggle of the door handle before the door was opened, in walked aizawa shoving something into his pocket at he slowly opened the door more and observed his problem child. Izuku knew there was someone in the room and he assumed it was aizawa by the sound of the footsteps, although he couldn't hear completely because of the music playing in his ears.

"Hey problem child" He called put quietly from the door. Izuku thought for a second, then decided to stay 'asleep'.
There was another sigh before aizawa walked into the room fully, quietly making sure his footsteps were light, and over to izukus desk to grab the chair from it and sit infront of his bed where izuku layed. When aizawa got closer, he noticed the earphones in his problem child's ears and the phone next to his limp hand on the bed. Aizawa slowly grabbed the phone from the bed and turned It over, pressing pause on the song. Lonely by Noah Cyrus. He placed izukus phone on the desk carefully, and looked back at the earphones before removing them carefully aswell and placing them next to the phone.

"You awake kid?" Aizawa asked quietly. He didn't want to scare izuku like earlier- something happened. Aizawa knew he triggered something for izuku to react so desperate aggressive.  'No more yelling' he had told himself. Yelling won't help with izuku, it'll only make things worse. Of course he wouldn't let izuku get away with everything. He's still and kid and aizawa is his legal guardian. He needs discipline like everyone in their Childhood.

Izuku shifted a little in his spot trying to get comfortable while still making it seem like he was asleep. He may have pretended to be asleep a few times before during his childhood- Once he was content with his position he sunk into the bed sheets once again and didn't move, breathing softly and slowly.

Aizawa looked at his 'sleeping' green furburl and moved his hand to caress the soft fluffy thick curls.

"I know you're sleeping but I'm sorry izuku. I shouldn't have yelled, I shouldn't have grabbed you. Believe it or not I care about you alot. You're my brattiest problem child. Worse than bakugo and that's definetly something" Aizawa chuckles a little at the mention of their class pomeranians anger issues.

"Im not leaving you. We'll work through this together I promise. Im making katsudon in an hour or two, I'll come wake you when it's done so you can eat something" Aizawa finishes softly before getting up, tucking the chair back under the desk and walking towards the bedroom door. He took one last look at his problem child before walking out the door, carefully leaving it closed.

Once izuku heard the door clicking closed he smiled slightly. Maybe living another day could be worth it.

Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! It isn't really much but there's a bit of angst and then fluff in there sooo yea!

Until next time 🍈

♡author♡