MAFIA'S ANGEL

CHAPTER 28

Angelique

Death is not supposed to be painful. It's peaceful darkness that embraces you. It makes you forget. But she remembered everything - the old house with leaking ceiling she grew up in, the warmth of sun against her skin, the thick grey clouds of stormy days and...the eyes in color of steel. 

Those eyes that reminded her of rain after scalding hot summer day. They stared back at her from depths of her memory, sharp, unyielding and sad. 

And then there was the pain, ever-present and very real. She felt it all over. 

Something was beeping steadily in distance. The sound became louder, disturbing the brittle images she had been admiring in her head. It pulled her to the surface. 

Angelique felt a jolt like electricity. It shook her entire body and made her eyes open to a bright room. The searing light was painful and oddly welcome. White ceiling, white walls, white everything. 

Her chest raised and fell. Every breath was painful like her lungs had been stabbed by thousand knives. But it did not matter. She was breathing. Oxygen flowed into her system and the blinding light subsided somewhat. 

A pale hospital ward greeted her blurry vision. 

I'm alive...

Angelique felt something squeeze her hand assuringly as if to confirm her idle thought. Her blue eyes focused on the source of the warm touch. A large carouse hand held her own, long tattooed fingers intertwined with hers.

Messy walnut color hair cascaded down the man's rugged features. He was slumped over in an uncomfortable metallic chair besides the hospital bed, fast asleep. 

Inwardly, she felt the need to flinch, pull her hand away, but it remained in place, cradled by a familiar touch. Nikolai always looked peaceful in his sleep, like no sins he had committed ever haunted him. This time was different. His eyebrows were creased into a deep frown. He looked tired, like he had been stuck by her side the entire time. 

The stubble on his face teetered on edge of beard and his usually well groomed hair were wild and unkempt. The facade had cracked and underneath she saw...

"You're that boy..." Angelique murmured coarsely. She saw the boy she had helped all those years ago - a boy with dark past and sad, stormy eyes. A memory buried so deep she hadn't come to realize who he was. Until now. 

Nikolai stirred. Her whisper had been a silent croak. It was a miracle he had heard her. His eyes opened, dull grey and red-rimmed. The man lifted his head, moving slowly as if it weighed a ton. "Angel." The groggy rasp in his voice sent a jolt of electricity through her. It sounded cracked like he hadn't spoken in days. "You're awake." he stated in near disbelief. 

There were so many things she wanted to ask, to scream at him even, but all that came out was a pained moan. Her entire body was battered. Her other arm sported a massive gypsum. The white mass was wrapped from her wrist up to her elbow. She couldn't move her body. The pain was too much despite the medication she was on. 

"You broke three ribs and your arm. You had two surgeries to stop internal bleeding." Nikolai explained. "They kept you in medicine infused coma." 

"For how long?" 

"Two weeks." 

Her eyes closed and she sucked in a breath. Last thing she remembered was the impact of the car crashing into the raging river. She was not supposed to survive that. "How did I..." 

"I pulled you out from the water." 

Angelique forced her eyes open. He was looking at her with pained gaze, like she had ripped out a part of his soul and crushed it. "I didn't kill your father." 

"Don't-" She couldn't stand listening to this. It would make it real - the hospital, her injuries, and the fact that she was now all alone. The only person at her bedside was the one that put her there in the first place. It was all his fault.

"I am many things but not a liar." 

She did not want to listen. A part of her was hoping he was a liar. But his stormy grey eyes rung truth. 

"Police suspect it was an accident. He fell asleep drunk and dropped a burning cigarette." 

The cold hearted truth poured over her head. It did sound like her father could've done something like that. Her pitiful dad had met pitiful end. She felt tears prick her eyes. 

"I wish it wouldn't be the first thing you heard after waking up." Nikolai whispered. "I brought you to it. The suicide attempt." He looked deep into her teary eyes. "I ruined you." 

"Wasn't that your goal?" 

"No." His jaw clenched. "I wanted you to be mine. Like you promised..." 

"I remember." Angelique had to clear her throat not to choke. "You're that boy from warehouse. You never told me your name." 

Nikolai stared down at her, tense. "I never expected to see you again." He confessed. "I kept our promise locked away. I hoped we wouldn't meet again. Then you would see the monster I have become. But..." He trailed off. "But then you showed up at my club. Pure and innocent like the day I first saw you. I was so angry." 

"Why?" Her voice shook. 

"Because you didn't remember. I was so fucking mad, I wanted to destroy you. That promise meant everything to me, and you..." He looked down, fists clenched. "You forgot." 

Angelique was speechless. He looked so sad, desperate almost. She couldn't deny the holes in her memory, self created at that. For the longest time she fought to forget the darkest parts of her childhood. Her mom died when she was eight, her father drunk himself stupid every evening. The young woman had wanted to forget it all, and had succeeded. Her mind was a prison containing all the memories she kept locked away to keep herself sane. 

"I hurt you." Nikolai continued. For the longest time she thought he hated her, but the look in his eyes screamed that he hated himself not her. "I'm as fucked up as they get. I drove the woman I love towards destruction." 

Love....

The words echoed through her head like a gunshot. 

"I loved you since that day in the warehouse...." He gripped his hair. "But I fucked it all up because I wanted you all for myself, but your spirit was too free to tame. I hurt you because I was jealous. And I can't change that." 

She drew in a deep breath. "You can't change...even for me?" Angelique tried to deny the part of her that had become attracted to him. Perhaps she was mentally ill. Perhaps he had made her so sick that she couldn't leave him. For a long time, she had known that she loved him as well. It was taboo and fucked up. He was a monster, and she was his Angel. 

Nikolai's fingers intertwined with her own. "I have always been the worst this world has produced. I will always be..." He swallowed. "A monster." 

Angelique looked down at their locked hands. His warmth, his scent, the sorrowful grey eyes, it all made her heart clench in pain. "Quit." 

"I can't." 

"Quit the mafia. For me..." She looked into his hardened eyes. He didn't have to respond, she saw it in his gaze - he would never quit. Not even for her. 

"I can't keep our promise." Her voice broke, single tear trickling down her cheek. "I can't keep it unless you quit." 

The muscles in his jaw ticked. "I know." He refused to look at her. "I was never the man for you. I knew that from the start." He released her hands, his warmth replaced by the chilly air. 

"Don't-" 

"We had a deal." His voice was cold even if his eyes told story of pain and suffering. "And you did your part." Nikolai stood up from the chair. He leaned over her, taking in her features one last time. 

"Why does it seem like you're saying goodbye?" Angelique choked out. Tears kept streaming down her cheeks.

"Because I am." Nikolai wiped away her tears. He pressed a gentle, lingering  kiss to her forehead. 

"You're free, Angelique."