I'm in the car again my hands stuck to the steering wheel, dizzy, hot sweat dripping down my face, I can't see anything outside the car. It's going so fast and I can't stop it. He's right beside me with blood flowing down his face.
"Karen" he calls, I want to touch him but I can't, I can't move my body.
"Julian" I cry, I can feel my salty tears as they flow down my face
"Karen you need to stop" he says
"I can't" I cry
"You need to let go Karen"
I keep shaking my head, my tears flowing uncontrollably, I can't stop.
This same scene repeats itself every night hunting me, reminding me that I'm the cause of his death and nothing can change that.
I'm so used to this scene I can time each event before it happens
CRASH.
.
.
.
Shattered glass.
.
.
.
The smoke.
.
.
.
The siren.
.
.
.
The voices.
.
.
.
And Blank.
.
.
.
"Wake up Kerna"
"Wake up"
The voice slowly pulls me out of the mist of darkness, I open my eyes to see a worried Megan staring at me.
"Are you okay"
I'm about to answer her when I feel my stomach flip, I hurried into the bathroom and vomited into the toilet
"What the hell" I heard Megan curse when she saw me, she held my hair up while patting my back to ease my system. When I finished she helped me up, I rinsed my face then she lead me out of the bathroom
We sat on my bed, the silence was deffening, I want to know what she's thinking. Megan is the only one that knows my true story, she's the only one that stayed after it.
"Why didn't you tell me" she finally says
"Why! You said they where gone, why did you lie" she continued when I didn't respond.
"Answer me" she pleads "did they even stop"
I shook my head, after the accident I developed insomnia, my worried mother took me to the hospital the doctors gave me some sleeping pills, they were supposed to help me and they did but whenever I close me eyes I would relive the hole experience over again whether I'm asleep or not. So practically the pills made everything worse. My mom found out and signed me up for therapy.
The first week, the therapist stayed on lighter grounds and my nightmares reduced I could get at least four hours of sleep, then the next week she started bringing up my dad and other deep stuffs, I started getting uncomfortable I told Mom she said it was all part of the process, two months past and I couldn't take it anymore I had to find a way out so, I lied that the nightmares where gone, I started acting a little bit normal and soon enough the therapist said I was fine, I know she really didn't care though all she wanted was too get this whinny, bratty kid off her hands and get her money. I kind of did her a favour if you ask me.
"Is it usually this bad"
"No, I'm fine"
"You are not fine kerna, you told your Mom the nightmares were over and they weren't"
"Please don't tell my Mom she would flip" I begged.
She stared at me for a while then nodded
" Thank you, it's usually not this bad , it was so real I could feel him sitting there begging me to stop the car, but I was stupid and now every night I have to bare the consequences."
"I understand it's not easy for you, most especially since heaven decided it would be nice to send a long lost twin to taunt you" she says and I chuckle
"Imagine they were brothers" she joked and we laughed.
I did think about the possibility of them being related but Julian was an only child. His parents moved to Australia after the accident, they blamed me for it, if my family weren't as rich as we are I would have been locked up in jail till now.
Since Cass is leaving tomorrow we decided to go shopping today. Megan left my room some minutes later I tried getting more sleep seeing I woke up at three but that didn't happen so I stayed on my bed a stared at the ceiling, a habit I have grown over the years.
Two hours to noon and we are at the mall, I have been moving around trying to decide what to get kelis. What do you buy for your sixteen years old sister who practically has everything, finding something for my Mom wasn't so hard, she has this obsession with collecting chinaware she has different types already but there is this one that I found, she doesn't have it yet and u know she would love it.
After searching and failed I decided to ask Megan for help, apparently Megan happens to be closer to kelis than I am.
"I don't know what to get her" I tell her
"She's a teenager who just got into highschool and loves fashion get her a nice designers " was her response "truthfully, I know your family the best gift you can give them is seeing you. Your sister sees you as her idol, she would love anything you give her" it's times like this I appreciate not allowing Alexa to bully Megan back in highschool.
We spent four whole hours at the mall, after we went to the restaurant across and ate lunch then we went home.
"Kerna your obsession with peanut butter is going to be the cause of your inevitable doom" Megan said mimicking one of those horror movie voices.
"First of all I'm not addicted to anything I just prefer to have peanut butter on most of the things I eat, and secondly who the fuck say inevitable doom"
So presently we are trying to watch a movie and I'm trying to enjoy my pop corn and peanut butter but Megan won't let me, Cass dosed off some minutes ago and Pretty has been a bit too quiet and I think Megan noticed it too.
" Yo pretty, what you thinking" Megan finally asked
"What? nothing, I'm enjoying the movie that's all" she replied
She's lying, when Pretty is lying she moves her eyes a lot or she stares into your eyes longer than normal like she's trying to hypnotise to believe her and trust me it works.
"Are you sure" I'm the one that asks this time
"Yeah I'm just tiered, I'm off to bed goodnight" she says and leaves. Megan and I share a look for a second or two, shrugs before returning her attention to the movie.
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Hello!
So a little outs on kerna's past,
I know d story is going really slow, I'm getting really distracted a lot lately 😑😥 , I promise to step up.
Random thoughts
In my opinion nothing is hotter than a bad boy with an accent 😍🤯😉
No offense Adrian you are a good boy with an accent that counts to😁
Vote 💫,
Comment 🗯️,
Love ❣️,
Thanks,
Bye.
