Surfer Girl // A.I (completed)

sixty

< December >
< Tuesday >

{ Ashton }

I woke up a little but knew it was still the middle of the night. I rolled over and reached out for Tatum, but felt nothing but the mattress. I groaned but opened my eyes, seeing Tatum wasn't in bed.

I let my eyes adjust then sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and stood. I pulled on a pair of sweats then went off to find her.

I've been worried about her. She was doing better with the whole assault thing, but suddenly she's gone downhill. I know it's because a settlement from the lawsuits is supposed to come soon and she's been in and out with lawyers about it.

I walked around the house and couldn't find Tatum. I walked by the alarm pad and saw that it was turned off, telling me she either left or she was outside. I looked towards the key rack and saw her keys on it. She was here.

I walked to the back door and found it unlocked. I slid it open and stepped out, finding Tatum curled up on the outdoor couch on the deck with a blanket wrapped around her, just staring out at the view- a view of the city down below that took my breath away the first time I looked at the house.

"Baby?" I cautiously sat down next to her. I watched her quickly wipe her eyes, then she turned and put a fake smile on her face,

"Why are you up?" She asked, pushing my hair back,

"Why are YOU up?" I shot back. She sighed and looked back out at the city, but my eyes never left her,

"Couldn't sleep. I didn't want to wake you with me tossing around" she mumbled, her knees tucking up and her arms wrapping around them. She moved her head forward to rest on her knees,

"Why couldn't you sleep? What's on your mind?" I asked, not yet touching her but allowing her space,

"This stupid lawsuit thing. It turned into a bigger thing than I wanted" she sighed, "I just want it to be over"

I could see, with the help of the outdoor light, her lips trembling and her eyes filling,

"Baby, why don't we talk about it" I suggested,

"We have Ashton" she spit, "I'm done talking about it. I'm fine"

"We talked about what happened. You told me what he did. We haven't talked about how you feel. I know you're bottling it up. I haven't said anything because I wanted to respect your privacy, but baby, I can tell you're hurting and you've been hurting"

"Because I'm fine" she glared at me,

"No, you're not" I shook my head. She's not fine. I've known she's not fine and I thought maybe she'd come to me or maybe go to a therapist, but she didn't. I could tell when she joined us on tour. She didn't sleep and that first time we had sex after the assault, she was all panicky. She's been panicky. I never said anything about it because I didn't want to embarrass her or bring up something that could make her go crazy.

Tatum stared at me as tears came to my own eyes,

"You're not fine" I choked, a tear falling, "You're in so much pain but you won't let anyone help. You're going to destroy yourself"

Her lips trembled more, then she fully broke. She launched into my arms as she sobbed. My tears were falling and I couldn't stop them.

I held her in my lap, her legs on either side of me and her face buried in my shoulder,

"I'm sorry" she sobbed,

"There's nothing for you to apologize for" I coughed trying to recover myself from crying,

"Please talk to me" I begged. She slowly pulled back, wiping her eyes, but it was no use since the tears kept falling,

"I'm scared, I feel gross, I feel like I messed up, and no matter what, when I close my eyes, I not only see Jeremy, but I see my dad and every one of his friends all standing over me. I'm paralyzed and I can't move because there's nothing I can do and I probably did something to deserve it" she broke,

"You did nothing wrong" I promised, "And I know you're scared but I swear to god I won't let anyone hurt you but I also know that you have to let yourself not be scared and I know that's a process. I'm always going to be there. I'm right by your side, especially at night when we get in bed and cuddle together. I'm there and those monsters can't get you"

Tatum nodded and leaned forward, her head on my shoulder with her face turned towards my neck,

"I'm sorry" she whispered,

"There's no need for you to apologize" I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her head,

"Let's head inside. It's chilly" I spoke, standing up with her in my arms,

"Maybe you should've put a shirt on" Tatum mumbled as I entered the house,

"Whatever sassy" I laughed, carrying her into our room and dropping her on her side of the bed. I pulled my sweats off to where I was back in my boxers and climbed in bed with her. She crawled into my arms, letting her head rest on my chest,

"Ash" Tatum whispered,

"Yes?" I whispered back, holding her closer,

"I'm not tired," she said, leaning up on her arms, "I know it's the middle of the night, but can we watch something- maybe we can take a bath and watch it"

I couldn't help but laugh,

"You're lucky I love you" I chuckled, hopping up and grabbing my laptop, moving into the bathroom.

We both got in the tub with my laptop set up on the stool Tatum had to sit on to do her makeup. Tatum was leaned back on my chest and we each had a wine glass in our hands as Criminal Minds played,

"This is the life" Tatum grinned, "Even if it is 3 am and we should be sleeping"

"As long as it's with you"