Only With You

I know what an ass is

        “Let me go first. I want to apologize about that time I ditched you,” April said as soon as I told her we had a lot to talk about. I knew she would want to talk about that and I was glad about it, because I didn’t want to just ignore the whole fight we had. It was better if we talked about it now and just close the whole deal.
           
        I nodded and sat cross legged in front of April, who was sitting in the same position. “I know April and I forgave you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”
           
        April looked at me with a little smile but shook her head. “But I still want you to know that I’m so sorry. It was my fault and it won’t happen again.”
           
        “What made you want to go to that party anyway?” I questioned.
           
        April looked down at her hands before talking. “Zac told me he would break up with me if I didn’t go, and I told him I had plans with you that night so he went crazy and started saying a lot of things about you. I just wanted him to shut up so I told him I would go. I lied to you over the phone cause Zac was by my side.”
           
        I nodded but remembered the kiss they shared in front of me- when April had her hands tangled on his hair- and I couldn’t help but ask, “And why did you kiss him on Friday when you saw me? You seemed to want to kiss him harder by the way you were grabbing his hair.”
           
        April shook her head, still not looking at me. “I was doing the opposite; I tried to pry his head away from me. He stopped kissing me after he lost a few strands of hair.”

        I let out a sigh in frustration but I felt relieved. “He is an asshole. He shouldn’t treat you the way he did and if I see him in school I will teach him a lesson.”
           
        April looked up at me and gave me a little smile. “You don’t have to do that, Izzy. Everything between us is over anyway now, so he won’t get close to me.”
           
        Hearing her say that gave me some sort of relieve, because I couldn’t stand the thought of him getting close to her again. “Great, but if he gets close to you I won’t hesitate to kick his ass. I didn’t take karate lessons for nothing,” I joked.
           
        April giggled. “Okay tiger, you can kick his ass if he gets close to me,” she leaned closer to me and touched the stitches on my eyebrow very lightly with her fingertips, “Just be careful with your head.”
           
        I gave her a silly smile. “Yeah, we wouldn’t want me be more ugly.”
           
        April slapped my arm but still smiled at me. “How many times do I have to tell you, you don’t look ugly? You are still pretty with or without the scars,” April complimented me for the second time today and this time I couldn’t held back the blush on my cheeks. April immediately noticed and squealed like a little kid. “Aw! You are blushing! That’s so cute.”
           
        Her words only made me blush even more and I was hoping the earth would crack and it would swallow me. What the fuck is wrong with me? I covered my hands with my hands and mumbled embarrassed, “Shut up, April!”
           
        April giggled and took my hands away from my face. When I looked up at her she had the biggest smile on her face, making it obvious that she was proud of making me blush. “It’s been so long since I don’t see you blushing! You never do it, not even when I caught you making out with your girlfriend on Friday, and your hands were on her ass.”
           
        Just like that, the blush in my cheeks slowly disappeared, along with my smile. She thinks Emma is my girlfriend? Just thinking about that made me feel weird, and not a good kind of weird. April seemed so accepting about the fact that Emma could be my girlfriend and it made me kind of happy to have her full acceptance, but things weren’t as easy as they were on Friday in that moment I kissed Emma. Now I had to find the love of my life.
           
        I needed to talk with someone about it and I knew April was the only person I could trust that much and she wouldn’t judge me. Eli was the next best choice, but something was telling me he would think it’s a joke. So I would have to settle with telling April and hoping she doesn’t freak out.
           
        I rolled my eyes at her. “Emma is not my girlfriend. And I was definitely not touching her ass,” I lied at the end.
           
        April quickly got on her knees in front of me and took my hands in hers. “Oh c’mon, your hands were here,” she put my hands over her ass I was about to hyperventilate, “If that’s not her ass then I don’t know what an ass is to you,” she giggled between words. What the fuck is wrong with her getting so touchy? And why is she letting me touch her ass? I was freaking out at this point and as soon as April let go of my hands, I quickly took them away from her ass.
           
        I shook my head and laughed softly, trying to remain calm. I couldn’t start freaking out around April again. I had to worry about important things now. “I know what an ass is, you idiot.”
           
        I looked at April and she was smiling at me. “I’m glad you found a girl for you,” she said and my heard ached at her words- I couldn’t understand why though.
           
        I still smiled back at her and shook my head. “Things are more complicated than what it looks like with Emma.”
           
        “Why? She is scared to have a relationship with you?” April questioned.
           
         “No, it’s not that. She seems to like me a lot and she is great, but things are complicated,” I tried to explain.
           
        “Which means that you are the complicated one.”
           
        I let out short laugh, finding amusing how well she knew me. Of course I was scared to tell her about the whole death line thing, but now it was the time, so I looked at her with a serious expression and said, “I have to tell you something and you have to promise me you will be open-minded, because I’m being very serious.”
           
        April looked intently at me and seemed to be trying to read me. After a few seconds she nodded and told me, “I’m all ears, Izzy. You know I wouldn’t judge you.”
           
        That was all I needed to hear. I took a deep breath and April’s hands in mine before I started to tell her every single detail since the moment I left that party on Friday. There wasn’t a single moment when April made me believe she would laugh at me or judge me. She was awfully serious and taking in every single thing that I told her. Every time I said the word “death” or “die” she would squeeze my hand harder, almost afraid that I would slip away from her. I couldn’t break eye contact with her, I wanted her to see in my eyes how serious I was about that- it wasn’t just a dream; it was a reality, even if it sounded like a freaking movie.
           
        After I finished talking, we were both quiet. April’s hands were still in mine and she was gripping them hard, but she wasn’t looking at me anymore, she was looking at the window- her mind probably flowed with thoughts about the information I just gave her. Finally, without looking at me, she spoke, “I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
           
        All I could do was chuckle. “It wasn’t the way I imagined my Friday night would end, that’s for sure.”
           
        April turned quickly to look at me and squeezed my hands even more. “You won’t die Izzy, right? I can’t lose you,” she said in a whisper, like her voice wasn’t strong enough to talk out loud.
           
        I scooted closer to her and put my head on her shoulder. “I don’t know April. I wish I knew, but I don’t know how am I supposed to find the right girl.”
           
        April left out a shaky breath and I could hear the sadness in her voice without looking at her. “He said it, you kissed her. If you kiss her again you will realize.”
           
        “It’s not that easy, April. How am I supposed to know with just a kiss?”
                   
         April’s shoulder started shaking and I knew she was crying by now. I quickly lifted my head from her shoulder and put my hand on her cheek to turn her head so she could look at me. The sadness I saw in her eyes was almost killing me. “Oh no, no, don’t cry pup,” I tried to calm her down somehow, “Everything is going to be okay.”
           
        April let out some kind of sob at the same time she took a deep breath. “You have to find her and make her fall in love with you, Izzy. I don’t want to lose you, I can’t let that happen.”
           
         The knot in my throat was getting bigger and bigger with every tear and every word that came out of her. I cleared my throat to try not make it too obvious how everything was affecting me. “I promise you I will do my best, pup,” I used my thumb to wipe the tears running down her cheeks, “Please don’t cry.”
           
        April closed her eyes tight and leaned her head on my hand. Even with her eyes closed, I could notice how upset she was about the things I revealed to her. I wanted to tell her I would find the right girl, but I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do that. So instead of telling her something else, I laid back on her bed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, bringing her down with me. Her head immediately found the spot between my shoulder and neck- the place where she always rests her head when we cuddle- and she put her arm around my waist, letting me hold her hand. I pulled her closer to me and interlaced our legs together, along with the fingers of our hands.
           
        It wasn’t until that moment that I realized how much I missed my sensitive best friend. I missed everything about her, even the way we cuddle with each other. I missed even more the way April seemed so in peace when she was in my arms. I knew the information I revealed was still bothering her, but she wasn’t crying any more, which allowed us to stay like that, laying in peace for a few more minutes.
             
        April was the one breaking the comfortable silence when she whispered to me, “We have to make a list.”
           
        I couldn’t see her face but I knew she was talking about my death line and she wasn’t kidding. “What do you mean?”
           
        April started tracing patterns in the back of my hand with her thumb. “With the name of the girls you kissed. So we can start planning what to do.”
           
        I smiled and jokingly said to her, “We? Since when you are a part of the team?”
           
        She chuckled and squeezed my hand a little harder. “Since I became your best friend, all those years ago,” she lifted her head from my shoulder enough to look at me, “I’m serious Izzy, we have to start doing something. You have nine months, who knows if that’s enough time?”
           
        I looked down at her, still smiling. It was nice to know she believed everything I said and wanted to help me find the right girl. “Who can resist falling in love with me for that long?” I joked and April immediately frowned, “Okay, okay, don’t frown,” I kissed her forehead, “Let’s make that list.”