Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Recreation

Chapter 1 Don't Get Me Started

At the center of Valhalla, Sarge did Sarge things.

Sarge: Attention Blue team! This is the Red team! We are here to destroy you! Your long reign of being the shittiest team around is about to come to a sudden and cataclysmic end! We will give you a few moments to suck in the horror of this announcement. . . and then return for your reaction. Be right back!

He turned around and walked towards Grif and Simmons.

Sarge: He he. Alright, that ought to scare the berjeezers out of 'em.

Simmons: Actually sir, they have a Freelancer and-

Grif: And since Ruby is busy working on the Hornet.

Simmons: I don't really see the point of psychological warfare.

Sarge: Then a head on assault is the only way to achieve victory!

Simmons: Why didn't we do that from the start? Why do we announce that we're going to attack instead of just. . . attacking.

Sarge: There's an order to this Simmons. We can't abandon protocol just 'cause we have an advantage!

Grif: We don't have an advantage. We actually have a disadvantage.

Sarge: We have to give them the chance to see the error of their Blue ways! To lay down his arms, and meet his fellow men at the table of peace, where we can work together towards a better world. A world that's better, because we poisoned the food at their table and stabbed them in the eye with forks. . . And taken all their stuff.

Simmons: Freelancer. Us.

Grif: Yeah, I don't see this going too well.

Sarge: Noted, now watch that base. Tell me if anything changes.

Simmons: Yes sir! And sir?

Sarge: Yes Simmons?

Simmons: I just wanna say, I'm glad I was here to see you on your day of victory. It's been a long time coming!

Grif: We're going to get our asses kicked.

Sarge: Yes it has, hasn't it? My skills as a leader have really taken us so far. It must've been quiiiiiiite an honor to serve with me. Ahh. . . okay, glad we had this talk.

Simmons: Are you glad I'm here too, Sarge?

Sarge: Of course I am!

Simmons: I knew it! I just-

Sarge: The squad's kill-death ratio is the most important measurement when a valuations sergeants. If you had died, that would have hurt my numbers!

Simmons: *sniffs* Glad I could help!

He walked off to complete his orders.

Sarge: It's critical to keep a little padding in our stats. That way if we're far enough ahead, I can stab Grif in the face, and still stay in the lead!

Grif: You know, I'm standing right here.

Sarge: Right where I want you! Within face-stabbing range! *turns on radio* Lopez, Ruby! How are those vehicle repairs coming?

Lopez stood next to a completely destroyed Warthog while Ruby was beneath the Hornet and working on it back at the Red base.

Lopez: (Spanish) Coming? The jeep is destroyed. It can't be fixed.

Ruby: Hornet's getting better, but these instructions are confusing.

Allison: That's because you were reading them upside down.