relationships are great until you don't see eye to eye with one another.
stubbornness, insecurity, and arguments don't mix well when you're trying to make a relationship work.
can a relationship survive when insecurity and distance is involved? will...
i woke up early and headed to campus for the 2 classes i had this morning. after that i had work for the rest of the day, until 4:30. all day i thought about what i would say to daniel when i seen him next. i couldn't tell if i was more angry at him, or if i felt bad for him... because i know he's doing this out hurt, not malice or bad intentions. when he asked if i made it home safely i knew he still cared, and maybe regretted storming off... but it doesn't change the fact that he did it.
when i got off work i found daniel sitting in his car in my driveway. when i got out he met me at my doorstep "can we talk" he asked as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "yeah" i said as i opened the door to let him inside. i took a seat at the kitchen bar while he stood over next to my stove... since when have we been so distant?
i didn't know what to say so i waited until he spoke first, and after a solid 3 minutes of silence he finally spoke. "i'm sorry for storming out yesterday, i didn't think about you not having a ride until after i had left" he stated. "it's alright, i guess, i had kay bring me home" i simply said.
he looked nervous, but what was bothering me is why he only apologized for leaving me there... not what he said to me. "anything else?" i asked "um, i- i don't know what else to say" he said, not making eye contact with me. the nerve of this boy. "your not going to apologize for accusing me of not loving you? or for getting mad at me for not wanting to follow you around the country?" i spat at him, tired of all this.
he looked taken aback "actually no... because i still feel that way. how can you love me as much as i love you, if you're willing to just leave me for 2 months" he said, and again my mouth dropped at his words. "daniel do you even hear yourself right now? you can't just say i don't love you because i don't want to leave my things i have here to travel around on a tour with you and your band. do you hear how selfish you sound?" i asked
"no, i'm just being honest. it's like you don't care enough to want to be with me, like you're waiting for me to leave" he replied. "what are you talking about? you know i'm going to miss you like crazy daniel, i thought you knew that" i said, raising my voice with my anger. "actually no i don't. because here lately it sure hasn't seemed that way. you're probably just waiting for me to leave so you can find someone better that doesn't have to leave for 2 months at a time" he screamed at me, and in that moment i realized something.
daniel was insecure. he was scared about losing me, losing us. with all the stress he's been under lately his anxiety and insecurities have jumped out. my anger disappeared almost immediately, i wanted to hug him and tell him i was never going to leave him... but he still had no right to talk to me the way he has.
"daniel, i can't believe you think i'd do something like that... is that really what you think of me?" i asked him "yeah, it is. you know... maybe we're just not working out anymore" he said, and my heart sank. "what" i asked, tears appearing instantly. "maybe we're just not working anymore" he said "daniel you don't mean that, is that really what you want?" i asked as a tear fell down my cheek. he stood up as if he was going to leave "i- i think we need to break up... i'm sorry" he said before he walked to the door. with his hand on the knob he looked back at me and sighed before he walked out and slammed the door. what just happened. ___________________________________
