relationships are great until you don't see eye to eye with one another.
stubbornness, insecurity, and arguments don't mix well when you're trying to make a relationship work.
can a relationship survive when insecurity and distance is involved? will...
i woke up today with a killer headache. probably from crying last night... again. being without riley was hitting harder than i ever thought. this was the pain i wanted to avoid, so why was it still happening? after the guys all went to sleep last night i found myself doing what i've done for almost the whole tour... crying about her.
no matter what i do, i can't stop thinking about her. i'm always looking through my camera roll at our pictures together, or stalking her instagram to see our old posts with her sweet captions about us. why did i screw it all up just to feel the pain i was trying to avoid in the first place?
at first it wasn't so bad, i was focused on tour and didn't think about her that much... but now i think about her 24/7. is she doing okay, or did i completely break her. or worse than that, is she completely fine and already moving on? i bet she met someone at college, he made her forget all about her ex that leaves to travel around the country, and she's moved on.
but if she had wouldn't she post about it? i've stalked her page enough to know she's barely posted anything since we broke up. i know it's not healthy, but i can't help it. i want to text her, call her to hear her voice... but that wouldn't be smart. i hurt her, and if she told me she's already moved on i wouldn't be able to handle it.
𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 time for meet & greet, not feeling it today. to be honest i haven't been feeling it at all here lately, and i feel bad about it because i love our fans so much, but my hearts just in another place. luckily the fans don't seem to notice too much, but the guys have. after every meet & greet they all ask if i'm fine, so i lie and say i am.
i hate that i bring the mood down, but i can't find the energy to care. during the show tonight i looked out into the front row and seen a girl with bright brown eyes and long curly, brown hair and for a split second i thought it was her. i was so thrown off for a second i almost missed my line in lotus inn. luckily the only one to notice though was corbyn.
while jack was singing corbyn walked over to me and asked if i was alright "i'm fine, just not feeling that well" i replied "bro you can keep telling yourself that all you want, but me and the guys know what's up. you're physically sick because of this thing with riley. you don't have to keep pretending you're okay, we know you're not" i said placing his hand on my shoulder.
"i'm fine corbyn" i mumbled back "no you're not, but it's okay not to be. you love her, and you're not going to feel better until you talk to her" he said "i don't want to talk about this right now" i said "that's fine, you don't have to talk... but me and the guys are worried about you. just think about what i said" he said before he walked off to the other side of the stage. i let out a big sigh, i hated that he was right... but right now i couldn't think about any of it, the show must go on. ___________________________________
