relationships are great until you don't see eye to eye with one another.
stubbornness, insecurity, and arguments don't mix well when you're trying to make a relationship work.
can a relationship survive when insecurity and distance is involved? will...
today we were in arizona. the guys all woke up early and headed out to grab breakfast but i wasn't feeling the best so i stayed back. not that i'm sick, just my heart hurts. i've tried to push my feelings down, but i can't shake this feeling.
i thought it would be a good idea... i thought if we ended things i wouldn't have to miss her while i was gone. i'm not so sure that's entirely true. what kills me the most isn't even missing her, it's that i know i hurt her. i knew she loved me, there was no doubt about that, but i just seen that as an excuse to end it.
and i didn't mean it when i told her i didn't love her, of course i love her... i've never loved anyone as much as i love her. i seen an opportunity and i ran with it... but i think i hurt her too much in the end. it's over though, there's nothing i can do about it now.
𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 it's now time for limelight and meet & greet, my favorite part of tour besides performing. we all lined up and the fans started flowing through the room. i hugged so many people and received so many gifts. i love talking to our fans, especially now since it distracts my mind from thinking about riley.
i was having a great time until a fan walked through and i noticed she had a necklace with a little cloud on it. riley always wore a similar necklace because i had gotten it for her on her birthday a few months back. a wave of saddness washed over my body and i felt tears prick behind my eyes.
i couldn't start crying here, not in front of the guys and our fans. i pushed the thought away and focused in on what was happening around me. we took the picture with that girl and she walked away. i was kind of zoned out the rest of the meet & greet, just trying not to think about what happened.
it was crazy, how fast those emotions washed over me when i seen something as small as a necklace that reminded me of riley. i thought i was going to be okay with this, i thought it'd make tour a lot easier if we weren't together... but now i don't think that's true.
after meet & greet and limelight ended we all went back and got ready for the show. i looked down at my phone, no text from her. why did i think she was going to text me? i hurt her... she probably doesn't ever want to hear from me again. i threw my phone on the table as i went to get dressed for the show. i've got to snap out of this. ___________________________________
