𝚆𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝙵𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝙸𝚗 𝙻𝚘𝚟𝚎 | 𝐇𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐣𝐮𝐧

33

I look out onto the ocean, holding onto the rail, hearing cars pass me by in the background. I felt numb. My body was tired from crying, my head hurt like hell and my chest felt like it was about to explode. I put my forehead in my hand, sobbing softly to myself. How could I be so stupid? Why did I ever think that he would have liked me? I rest my head in both of my hands, looking up and crying out into the ocean. The breeze blew softly through my hair, making my face cold because of my tears. I close my eyes and try to suppress my whimpers, but it's no use. I hear my phone ring and buzz. I pull it out and open it, seeing multiple messages from Seojun and one from Jugyeong. I feel anger boil up inside of me. Jugyeong. I slap the phone shut and grip it tightly. For as long as I've known her, I have never once felt any ounce of hatred towards her. But now, that's all I feel. I start to realize how envious I actually was of her. Her having a loving family, especially a mom. Not having to go to multiple doctors appointments on end, having a nice house to live in, eating home cooked meals, having a dad still alive and now... getting the boy that I managed to like so much. I clench my jaw in anger as my hand starts to hurt from how tightly I was gripping the phone. As much as I wanted to confront her about it, let her know how I feel, I would never bring myself to do it. Because no matter how much hatred and anger I have towards her right now, I could never let her know I feel this way. I release the pressure and let out a shaky breath. I rest my head on my hand once again. I begin to cry harsher again. I really have no one. No dad. No mom. No boyfriend and now, not even my best friend. I punch my chest, harshly, over and over again.

"I don't want this stupid heart!" I cried out, hitting my chest more rapidly. "I never wanted it in the first place!" I yell, stopping and breathing quickly. I fall back onto my knees as my sobs become louder. I breathe in sharp breaths. My eyes felt like they were about to fall out from how much crying I've been doing. "Why couldn't I just be born happy?" I ask softly to myself. I shake my head. "Why can't I be happy!" I cry. I take in another shaky, deep breath and fall back on my butt. I shake my head as I try to calm my breathing. I just wanted to talk to someone, but I had no one left. I bring my shaky hand to my face, wiping the tears from my cheeks. I try to calm down as I look back at the ocean, realizing how vast it was. The sound of cars honking and driving past was drowned out as I tried to focus all of my attention on the view in front of me.

Hours passed, and it was officially dark. I sat there and didn't move a muscle. My attempts to make myself feel better didn't work. If anything, I actually felt worse. I left myself alone with my thoughts and that was much worse than just sitting here and crying. My phone stopped buzzing. Less and less cars passed by me. There wasn't even anymore bright light since the sun went down. Everything left. Everything. I stand up on my shaky and weak legs. My eyes felt heavy, even though crying should hypothetically make them feel lighter since you got rid of tears, crying did the complete opposite. I take small and slow steps forward, putting my hands hesitantly onto the rail. I look down, seeing the water crash into itself. I look back up and notice the building's lights were starting to illuminate. I stare at them for a few minutes, trying to collect my rambling thoughts. I sigh. My bag slowly falls from my shoulders as I bring it in front of me. I unzip it, not breaking eye contact with the buildings. I put my phone in my bag, zipping it back up. I put the bag back onto my back as I let out a small sigh. My foot steps onto one of the rails. I climb up, steadying myself on the top rail. The breeze became bigger and blew my hair roughly. I look down, seeing noting but pitch black. I look up, seeing the exact same thing. Even the stars left. I wipe my eyes once more, adjusting my position on the top rail.

"Han Seojun..." I whisper. I close my eyes gently and picture every single moment I spent with him. I open my eyes and lift one foot off of the rail, a single tear rolling down my cheek. "We really shouldn't fall in love."

I step off of the rail, closing my eyes again as I begin to fall quickly before letting the cold abyss of the ocean swallow me whole, finally making me feel light.