Kingdom Come Undone

Best Laid Plans - Part 1

Though if anyone asked me outright about it later I would lie, leaving Alison in our hotel room while heading to the airport definitely made me cry. Over the period of a few weeks, I had turned into a total sap. I hated the thought of leaving her to process her grandmother's death alone. It made me nauseated to leave her because of how broken down I saw her retelling Jacob's story. Being with her the past 24 hours allowed her to keep her thoughts on me. It allowed her to ask about me, think about me, dream about me. But I knew she'd get lost in her head without me by her side. During whatever period gap there was between me leaving and Jacob and Carter showing up for the funeral, she would devolve more and more. It crippled me that I would be unable to change that reality. That all I did by leaving was hurt her more.

Slipping into my row on the airplane, I adjusted myself in the aisle so that others could pass by, realizing that my winter coat was tragically in the way.

"So sorry." I whispered behind me while taking off my jacket, attempting to fold it in my hands carefully before stowing it in the compartments above. But as I rotated the jacket in my arms, a piece of paper from the inside pocket fell onto the aisle floor below me. Turning to apologize again, I awkwardly squatted to pick up the thick wad of paper now lying on the carpet next to my aisle seat.

My hands immediately developed a layer of thick sweat stressing about what I was even holding in my palms. I looked around the plane hesitantly, waiting for the people to my right to board before actually looking at the paper. Because the moment it fell to the floor, my stomach dropped believing to know exactly what it was. Not because I had any real inkling, but because part of me wished it to be.

Note #9

November 4, 2019

"I knew it." I whispered into my chest as we started taxing toward the runway.

Hi baby,

After your sweet jacket letter a few weeks back, I knew that I needed to return the favor. I'm going to put this in your thickest jacket though in hopes that it may take a few days to find. Anyway, whenever you are finding this, please know that I love you more today than I did at the time of writing. That over the time between now and then, so much is bound to have occurred to lead me to fall in love with you even more.

Heading into the month of November though, I figured that it would be cute to write a 'thankful' list. I love you for so many reasons, but every day you make me thankful to be yours. Like Emmy, I don't think you understand how lost I was a month ago. I know that we aren't here to complete each other. I know that we exist separate from each other, but I am better because of you. Because of all you do without realizing it.

- You wake up happy every single morning. You instinctually smile because it's a new day.

- You never push me away when I want to cuddle, even when you're tucked under a blanket, and I'm sure are already toasty.

- Even though I toss and turn in my sleep, you never get upset when I wake you up. In fact, you always only pull me closer.

- You don't just tell me I'm beautiful... you show me that I am.

- The kind things you do for me are simply to be kind; you never expect something in return or try to hold anything over my head.

But I'm the most thankful for you because you wake up every day and choose to love me in return. And I promise to always do the same for you. Loving you and being loved by you has been the biggest surprise of this year. I can't wait to see what the rest of our lives hold in store for us. You make every day together better than the last.