Kingdom Come Undone

Gift-Wrapped Suburban Dreams

A/N: Heads up that this is a full chapter posted. Just over 10,000 words. More info at end :)

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Through my smile, I swerved my head back and forth in my futile attempts to escape his grasp, "J? Jacob? I know you're playing a joke, but I'm trying to walk us safely to the car."

"Mommy and I help." He giggled against the side of my head as Alison reached for my hand.

"Bug, if Emily's asking you to let go of her eyes before you start walking, you need to listen."

Jacob was perched on my shoulders at baggage claim as my left arm wrapped around his leg. He wildly looked around us causing his weight to transfer from shoulder to shoulder. I clung to Alison's hand for support while trying to not cause any chaos in these last days of calm in our family unit. Carter had already left to pull around the car as we waited on my last bag, and despite knowing that Jacob's desire to be close me after nearly two weeks was a complement, a part of me was panicking being back by his side.

In fact, my world felt like it was swarming behind his cupped hands that allowed only glimpses and blurs of light to escape through. I hated the idea that I wasn't in control right now. That a 7-year old had taken over my sight. Even as a joke. Even as a teasing reunion moment. This week was not the week for me to feel out of place, to feel like I wasn't a contributing member to our family. But I knew my lack of control was temporary. I could rationalize it. I understood that once my bag arrived, Jacob would more than likely let go, and we could make our way to the car without a second thought.

But it also made me realize that this was one of the only times over the next week that Jacob would ever feel in control. That this silent joking act was his opportunity to take ownership back from an ordeal he had no control over at all. And that hit me harder than anything else in the darkness. I inhaled deeper than usual trying to reassure myself that parents make decisions for their children every day. Part of being a child is being out of control. But part of being a child is also putting trust in the adults around you. Believing that they are putting you and your well-being first. And we were. We were, but at what cost? With no confirmation if my assumptions and my hypotheses were correct. I was being trusted with my area of expertise, but here Jacob was clinging to me like he was clinging to the idea that he may be healthy. That this surgery may be for naught.

I shook my head back and forth slowly, trying to escape his hands again without getting upset at him. But even though it didn't work, it got Alison's attention, "Jake? What did I just tell you?"

"To let go for E." He sighed, dropping his hands and wrapping them around the bottom of my chin instead, "Dis bettew?"

I looked over my shoulder, my eyes still wide, "Yeah, buddy. Thank you." My eyes closed gingerly, feeling her lips against the side of my cheek.

On her tip toes, she placed her hand on my chest as she spoke, "Where did you just go?"

"What do you mean?"

"He let go of your eyes, and you looked terrified. You were thinking of something, Em." I turned to make eye contact, allowing my eyes alone to tell her that she was right. That I had lost part of my composure in the space between his hands and the darkness inside my own head. Her hand lifted to the side of my face, "You're okay." She kissed just to the left of my lips, "I see you. You're okay." I nodded, trying to keep my composure and get my thoughts resettled in my brain. "You okay with him being on your shoulders still?"

"Yep. I've got him if you have my bag." I pointed toward the baggage claim.

"Of course." She turned to hustle away before pausing and turning back around, "I love you." She kissed the side of Jacob's calf before looking up at him, "Both of you."