Kingdom Come Undone

Try, Try, Try - Part 2

I threw myself into work knowing that I held the weekend in my grasp. That these few hellacious weeks could be put on pause around 2 pm Saturday. But at the same time, I floated around the lab with a different air. Emmanuel had already left for paternity leave as Dominique was due any day now. And above the fray, with no one else to question my choices or decisions as lead, I found myself losing my place, forgetting steps, retracing previous samples to ensure I had completed them correctly. My body was present, but my mind was with Jacob.

My brain swarmed around the potential unknown. My heart cascaded through ebbs and flows of emotion that soared into my dreams for him and plummeted into my deepest concerns. In him were my biggest hopes for humanity and in him were my biggest fears of the future. Because if something truly did go wrong with Jacob, a piece would malfunction in us all. Inevitably. Though memories and moments and thoughts and feelings tied all of us together too, the strongest strand containing the three of us was Jacob. He made our bond and our connection worthwhile. And though Alison and I had much more tied between us, I knew parts of that tie would crumble in the face of tragedy.

Sweat beaded down my forehead as I drove over to the Children's Oncology building parking lot at the end of my day. Carter was already in the waiting room pacing back and forth as I walked inside. His eyes dropped the moment we made eye contact as his hands settled into his pockets before giving me an all-knowing shrug with his shoulders. Both of us knowing that this upcoming conversation would be nothing if not unpleasant.

"How'd your day go?" He asked as we both turned to face the door the doctor would come out of to call us.

"It was shit. You?"

"Same." A pause lingered between us, "I don't know what I would do if Alison wasn't his mother. Jacob's the best thing in my life, but he'd be nothing without her."

I shifted my eyes toward his face full of worry. Wrapping my hand around his inner forearm to cling to him, I replied, "She did alright today?"

"More than alright. She gave him a great last day of thinking he's not sick, Emily. She runs laps around the two of us suckers." He chuckled.

"I think I'm okay if I pale in comparison to her. Next to her, I think I'm okay with second best."

He sighed as we stood there motionless, a deep understanding radiating through us that on the other side of those doors held a more difficult future. That our last moments of innocence for the disease plaguing their family were contained between the two of us: an ex-husband and partner of two months. Alison trusted us deeply and that trust held us together more than anything else.

---

"Mr. Schoen? Dr. Fields? Please take a seat." Dr. King pointed us to the opposite side of a conference room table across from three other medical officials. "Thank you for taking the time to meet with us today."

Carter muttered next to me as I rested my hand on his, "The pleasure is ours. We're looking forward to figuring out these next steps together and how to prevent the errors prevalent yesterday from occurring again."

"I wouldn't say that yesterday was an err – "

I held up my hand, "But we do. Your patient's family believes it was, and therefore, you all should treat it that way regardless of what 'you would say', Dr. Ramirez."

"Yes, of course." Dr. King reassured, "We understand that not following through with a biopsy on the glioma was an oversight. I'm sure that Dr. Ramirez mentioned yesterday that our usual technician was not in office."

Carter looked up for the first time, "She did, but from what Emily has told both Alison and me, every single one of you in this room has been trained in biopsy procedure as a part of obtaining your medical license. Is that not correct?"