Kingdom Come Undone

Love We Unravel

A/N: Hi friends! So good to see you all back here again! I will be honest upfront, this chapter is only about 4200 words. But with a family reunion coming up and Thanksgiving, etc., I wanted to give you all a little something to hold you over until my intended end for the original chapter is finished. It's not that writing this story is difficulty for me; we are just getting into some intricacies that take more research, more care, and more trepidation to do well. When looking over what I do have written, this seemed like the best snapshot to give you all.

And I'll be completely honest, the middle section of this chapter - it's only about 6 'paragraphs' - but it's some of my favorite writing I've done in a long time. I wrote it semi-autobiographically and damn does it resonate every single time.

Anyways, enjoy! I'm hoping to have the other 10k+ expected words to you all by the end of this month or before Thanksgiving; we'll see what I can do. :)

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There's something about intentionally holding your breath. Inhaling and staving off the release of tension though every fiber of your being screams for comfort. It's the feeling of complete control you have, knowing the power you hold over yourself when nothing else feels correct. But more than that, it's the rush of dopamine that hits the moment you exhale. The second new oxygen hits your brain, and your neurons reactivate. That second where you finally feel alive again. Alive in a world with no good news beyond the return of your breath.

I kept repeating the action every time I felt overwhelmed that night. Because I didn't want to fully lose it with Alison just above me. I didn't want Alison to sense the panic raging inside of me. Thought after thought of inadequacy and deserving grief. Of course, Ash was engaged. Of course, she had found someone. The one. Of course, it was the same girl she deserted me for. Of course, her leaving was the right thing to do. Of course, it was justified now. If she hadn't abandoned me, maybe she wouldn't be happy now. Maybe it was the last lingering stitch that her now fiancée couldn't move forward from. Of course, leaving me that way was her only choice. Right? It had to be. Maybe it –

Inhale.

When it was too overwhelming. When my thoughts grew to new heights. When I needed everything to just fucking stop for 20 seconds.

Exhale.

I let out a groan as the temporary high hit my body for the umpteenth time since hearing the news less than two hours ago.

"That feel good, baby?" Alison questioned. Settling back into my body, I reacquainted myself with my surroundings, repetitive tension being placed on my naked back as Alison gave me a massage. Her weight was precariously balanced on my lower back and ass as she straddled me. Hearing the pump of the lotion bottle, she danced over my skin before threading pressure from her palms to the tips of her fingers up my back. "I thought you had fallen asleep on me... got so quiet."

"No, I'm here." I whispered as she chuckled above me, firmly believing this to be exactly what I needed. When in fact, it was just the perfect escape.

After a few more moments, I felt her scoot back before reaching forward to move any lingering hair to my right side away from my face. Her lips cascaded across my back leaving simple pecks along my skin while running her palms fully up and down my sides. "It's incredible how lost in you I become even through something so simple. Taking care of you is by far one of the biggest honors I carry as your girlfriend. I hope you feel that."

'I hope you feel that...'

How are you supposed to tell the woman you love that it's been hours since you've felt anything? That the line between anger and sadness and despondence and devastation is so fine that you're vacillating between all four without notice.